Sir William Schwenck Gilbert
&
Sir Arthur Seymour Sullivan

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The Operas of Gilbert & Sullivan

THE YEOMEN OF THE GUARD

Music by ARTHUR SULLIVAN


DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

SIR RICHARD CHOLMONDELEY (Lieutenant of the Tower), Baritone
COLONEL FAIRFAX (under sentence of death), Tenor
SERGEANT MERYLL (of the Yeomen of the Guard), Bass/Baritone
LEONARD MERYLL (his son), Tenor
JACK POINT (a Strolling Jester), Light Baritone
WILFRED SHADBOLT (Head Jailer and Assistant Tormentor), Bass/Baritone
THE HEADSMAN, Non-singing
FIRST YEOMAN, Baritone
SECOND YEOMAN, Tenor
THIRD YEOMAN, Baritone
FOURTH YEOMAN, Tenor
FIRST CITIZEN, Chorus
SECOND CITIZEN, Chorus
ELSIE MAYNARD (a Strolling Singer), Soprano
PHOEBE MERYLL (Sergeant Meryll's Daughter), Mezzo-Soprano
DAME CARRUTHERS (Housekeeper to the Tower), Contralto
KATE (her Niece), Soprano

Chorus of YEOMEN of the Guard, GENTLEMEN, CITIZENS, etc.


SCENE: Tower Green

TIME: 16th Century

First produced at the Savoy Theatre in London, England, on October 3, 1888.


ACT I
ACT II



ACT I


(Scene.- Tower Green)

(Phoebe discovered spinning.

No. 1. When maiden loves, she sits and sighs
(INTRODUCTION and SONG)
Phoebe


PHOEBE
When maiden loves, she sits and sighs,
She wanders to and fro;
Unbidden tear-drops fill her eyes,
And to all questions she replies,
With a sad "Heigh-ho!"
'Tis but a little word-"Heigh-ho!"
So soft, 'tis scarcely heard-"Heigh-ho!"
An idle breath-
Yet life and death
May hang upon a maid's "Heigh-ho!"
When maiden loves, she mopes apart,
As owl mopes on a tree;
Although she keenly feels the smart,
She cannot tell what ails her heart,
With its sad "Ah, me!"
'Tis but a foolish sigh-"Ah, me!"
Born but to droop and die-"Ah, me!"
Yet all the sense
Of eloquence
Lies hidden in a maid's "Ah, me!"
Yet all the sense
Of eloquence
Lies hidden in a maid's "Ah, me!"
"Ah, me!", "Ah, me!"
Yet all the sense
Of eloquence
Lies hidden in a maid's "Ah, me!"

(PHOEBE weeps
Enter WILFRED)

WILFRED
Mistress Meryll!

PHOEBE
(looking up)
Eh! Oh! it's you, is it? You may go
away,if you like. Because I don't want you, you know.

WILFRED
Haven't you anything to say to me?

PHOEBE
Oh yes! Are the birds all caged? The wild beasts all littered down?
All the locks, chains, bolts, and barsin good order?
Is the Little Ease sufficiently comfortable? The racks, pincers,
and thumbscrews all ready for work? Ugh! you brute!

WILFRED
These allusions to my professional duties are in doubtful taste.
I didn't become a head-jailer because I like head-jailing.
I didn't become an assistant-tormentor
because I like assistant-tormenting.
We can't all be sorcerers, you know.
(PHOEBE is annoyed)
Ah! you brought that upon yourself.

PHOEBE
Colonel Fairfax is not a sorcerer.
He's a man of science and an alchemist.

WILFRED
Well, whatever he is, he won't be one for long,
for he's to be beheaded to-day for dealings with the devil.
His master nearly had him last night,
when the fire broke out in the Beauchamp Tower.

PHOEBE
Oh! how I wish he had escaped in the confusion!
But take care; there's still time
for a reply to his petition for mercy.

WILFRED
Ah! I'm content to chance that.
This evening at half- past seven- ah!
(Gesture of chopping off a head.)

PHOEBE
You're a cruel monster to speak so unfeelingly
of the death of a young and handsome soldier.

WILFRED
Young and handsome!
How do you know he's young and handsome?

PHOEBE
Because I've seen him every day for weeks past taking
his exercise on the Beauchamp Tower.

WILFRED
Curse him!

PHOEBE
There, I believe you're jealous of him, now.
Jealous of a man I've never spoken to!
Jealous of a poor soul who's to die in an hour!

WILFRED
I am! I'm jealous of everybody and everything.
I'm jealous of the very words I speak to you-
because they reach your ears- and I mustn't go near 'em!

PHOEBE
How unjust you are! Jealous of the words you speak to me!
Why, you know as well as I do that I don't even like them.

WILFRED
You used to like 'em.

PHOEBE
I used to pretend I like them.
It was mere politeness to comparative strangers.

(Exit PHOEBE, with spinning wheel

WILFRED
I don't believe you know what jealousy is!
I don't believe you know how it eats into a man's heart-
and disorders his digestion- and turns his interior into boiling lead.
Oh, you are a heartless jade to trifle
with the delicate organization of the human interior.

No. 1A. When jealous torments
(OPTIONAL SONG)
Wilfred

WILFRED
When jealous torments rack my soul,
My agonies I can't control,
Oh, better sit on red hot coal
Than love a heartless jade.
The red hot coal will hurt no doubt,
But red hot coals in time die out,
But jealousy you can not rout,
Its fires will never fade.
It's much less painful on the whole
To go and sit on red hot coal
'Til you're completely flayed,
Or ask a kindly friend to crack
Your wretched bones upon the rack
Than love a heartless jade,
Than love a heartless jade.
The kerchief on your neck of snow
I look on as a deadly foe,
It goeth where I dare not go
And stops there all day long.
The belt that holds you in its grasp
Is to my peace of mind a rasp,
It claspeth what I can not clasp,
Correct me if I'm wrong.
It's much less painful on the whole
To go and sit on red hot coal
'Til you're completely flayed,
Or ask a kindly friend to crack
Your wretched bones upon the rack
Than love a heartless jade,
Than love a heartless jade.
The bird that breakfasts on your lip,
I would I had him in my grip,
He sippeth where I dare not sip,
I can't get over that.
The cat you fondle soft and sly,
He layeth where I dare not lie.
We're not on terms, that cat and I.
I do not like that cat.
It's much less painful on the whole
To go and sit on red hot coal
'Til you're completely flayed,
Or ask a kindly friend to crack
Your wretched bones upon the rack
Than love a heartless jade,
Than love a heartless jade.
Or ask a kindly friend to crack
Your wretched bones upon the rack
Than love a heartless jade.

(Exit WILFRED. Enter people excitedly,
followed by YEOMEN of the Guard
with SERGEANT MERYLL at rear.)

No. 2. Tower warders, Under orders
(Double Chorus)
CROWD and YEOMEN, with Solo 2ND YEOMEN

CROWD
Tower warders,
Under orders,
Gallant pikemen, valiant sworders!
Brave in bearing,
Foemen scaring,
In their bygone days of daring!
Ne'er a stranger
There to danger-
Each was o'er the world a ranger;
To the story
Of our glory
Each a bold, a bold contributory!

YEOMEN
In the autumn of our life,
Here at rest in ample clover,
We rejoice in telling over
Our impetuous May and June.
In the evening of our day,
With the sun of life declining,
We recall without repining
All the heat of bygone noon,
We recall without repining
All the heat,
We recall, recall
All of bygone noon.

2ND YEOMAN
This the autumn of our life,
This the evening of our day;
Weary we of battle strife,
Weary we of mortal fray.
But our year is not so spent,
And our days are not so faded,
But that we with one consent,
Were our loved land invaded,
Still would face a foreign foe,
As in days of long ago,
Still would face a foreign foe,
As in days of long ago,
As in days of long ago,
As in days of long ago.

YEOMEN
Still would face a foreign foe,
As in days of long ago.

CROWD
Tower warders,
Under orders,
Gallant pikemen, valiant sworders!
Brave in bearing, Foemen scaring,
In their bygone days of daring!

CROWD and YEOMEN
Tower warders,
Under orders,
Gallant pikemen,
Valiant sworders
Brave in bearing,
Foemen scaring,
In their bygone days of daring!
Ne'er a stranger
There to danger
Each was o'er the world a ranger:
To the story
Of our glory
Each a bold,
A bold contributory.
To the story
Of our glory
Each a bold contributory!
Each a bold contributory!

(Exit CROWD. Manent YEOMEN.
Enter DAME CARRUTHERS.

DAME
A good day to you!

2^ND YEOMAN
Good day, Dame Carruthers. Busy to-day?

DAME
Busy, aye! the fire in the Beauchamp last night
has given me work enough.
A dozen poor prisoners- Richard Colfax, Sir Martin Byfleet,
Colonel Fairfax, Warren the preacher-poet, and half-a-score others-
all packed into one small cell, not six feet square.
Poor Colonel Fairfax, who's to die to-day,
is to be removed to no. 14 in the Cold Harbour
that he may have his last hour alone with his confessor;
and I've to see to that.

2^ND YEOMAN
Poor gentleman! He'll die bravely.
I fought under him two years since,
and he valued his life as it were a feather!

PHOEBE
He's the bravest, the handsomest,
and the best young gentleman in England!
He twice saved my father's life; and it's a cruel thing,
a wicked thing, and a barbarous thing
that so gallant a hero should lose his head- for it's
the handsomest head in England!

DAME
For dealings with the devil. Aye!
if all were beheaded who dealt with him,
there'd be busy things on Tower Green.

PHOEBE
You know very well that Colonel Fairfax
is a student of alchemy- nothing more, and nothing less;
but this wicked Tower, like a cruel giant in a fairy-tale,
must be fed with blood, and that blood must be
the best and bravest in England,
or it's not good enough for the old Blunderbore. Ugh!

DAME
Silence, you silly girl; you know not what you say.
I was born in the old keep,
and I've grown grey in it, and, please God,
I shall die and be buried in it; and there's not a stone
in its walls that is not as dear tome as my right hand.

No. 3. When our gallant Norman foes
(SONG WITH CHORUS)
Dame Carruthers and Yeomen

DAME
When our gallant Norman foes
Made our merry land their own,
And the Saxons from the Conqueror were flying,
At his bidding it arose,
In its panoply of stone,
A sentinel unliving and undying.
Insensible, I trow,
As a sentinel should be,
Though a queen to save her head should
come a-suing,
There's a legend on its brow
That is eloquent to me,
And it tells of duty done and duty doing.
The screw may twist and the rack may turn,
And men may bleed and men may burn,
O'er London town and its golden hoard
I keep my silent watch and ward!

CHORUS
The screw may twist and the rack may turn,
O'er London town and all its hoard,
And men may bleed and men may burn,
O'er London town and all its hoard,
O'er London town and its golden hoard
I keep my silent watch and ward!

DAME
Within its wall of rock
The flower of the brave
Have perished with a constancy unshaken.
From the dungeon to the block,
From the scaffold to the grave,
Is a journey many gallant hearts have taken.
And the wicked flames may hiss
Round the heroes who have fought
For conscience and for home in all its beauty,
But the grim old fortalice
Takes little heed of aught
That comes not in the measure of its duty.
The screw may twist and the rack may turn,
And men may bleed and men may burn,
O'er London town and its golden hoard
I keep my silent watch and ward!

CHORUS
The screw may twist and the rack may turn,
O'er London town and all its hoard,
And men may bleed and men may burn,
O'er London town and all its hoard,
O'er London town and its golden hoard
I keep my silent watch and ward!

(Exeunt all but PHOEBE. Enter SERGEANT MERYLL.

PHOEBE
Father! Has no reprieve arrived
for the poor gentleman?

MERYLL
No, my lass; but there's one hope yet.
Thy brother Leonard, who, as a reward
for his valour in saving his standard and cutting his way
through fifty foes who would have hanged him,
has been appointed a Yeoman of the Guard, will arrive to-day;
and as he comes straight from Windsor,
where the Court is, it may be-it may be- that he will bring
the expected reprieve with him.

PHOEBE
Oh, that he may!

MERYLL
Amen to that! For the Colonel twice saved my life,
and I'd give the rest of my life to save his!
And wilt thou not be glad to welcome thy brave brother,
with the fame of whose exploits all England is a-ringing?

PHOEBE
Aye, truly, if he brings the reprieve.

MERYLL
And not otherwise?

PHOEBE
Well, he's a brave fellow indeed,
and I love brave men.

MERYLL
All brave men?

PHOEBE
Most of them, I verily believe!
But I hope Leonard will not be too strict
with me- they say he is a very dragon of virtue
and circumspection! Now, my dear old father
is kindness itself, and…

MERYLL
And leaves thee pretty well to thine own ways, eh?
Well, I've no fears for thee; thou hast a feather-
brain, but thou'rt a good lass.

PHOEBE
Yes, that's all very well,
but if Leonard is going to tell me
that I may not do this and I may not do that,
and I must not talk to this one, or walk with that one,
but go through the world with my lips pursed up
and my eyes cats down, like a poor nun
who has renounced mankind- why,
as I have not renounced mankind,
and don't mean to renounce mankind,
I won't have it- there!

MERYLL
Nay, he'll not check thee more than is good for thee, Phoebe!
He's a brave fellow, and bravest among brave fellows,
and yet it seems but yesterday
that he robbed the Lieutenant's orchard.

No. 3A. A laughing boy
(OPTIONAL SONG)
Sergeant Meryll

MERYLL
A laughing boy but yesterday,
A merry urchin blithe and gay,
Whose joyous shout came ringing out
Unchecked by care or sorrow.
Today a warrior all sunbrown,
When deeds of soldierly renown
Are not the boast of London town,
A veteran tomorrow, today a warrior,
A veteran tomorrow!
When at my Leonard's deeds sublime,
A soldier's pulse beats double time,
And grave hearts thrill as brave hearts will
At tales of martial glory.
I burn with flush of pride and joy,
A pride unbittered by alloy,
To find my boy, my darling boy,
The theme of song and story,
To find my darling boy
The theme of song and story!
To find my boy, my darling boy,
The theme of song and story!

(Enter LEONARD MERYLL)

LEONARD
Father!

MERYLL
Leonard! my brave boy!
I'm right glad to see thee, and so is Phoebe!

PHOEBE
Aye- hast thou brought
Colonel Fairfax's reprieve?

LEONARD
Nay, I have here a despatch for the Lieutenant,
but no reprieve for the Colonel!

PHOEBE
Poor gentleman! poor gentleman!

LEONARD
Aye, I would I had brought better news.
I'd give my right hand- nay,
my body- my life, to save his!

MERYLL
Dost thou speak in earnest, my lad?

LEONARD
Aye, father- I'm no braggart.
Did he not save thy life?
and am I not his foster-brother?

MERYLL
Then hearken to me.
Thou hast come to join the Yeomen of the Guard!

LEONARD
Well?

MERYLL
None has seen thee but ourselves?

LEONARD
And a sentry, who took scant notice of me.

MERYLL
Now to prove thy words. Give me the despatch
and get thee hence at once!
Here is money, and I'll send thee more.
Lie hidden for a space, and let no one know.
I'll convey a suit of Yeoman's uniform
to the Colonel's cell- he shall shave off his beard,
so that none shall know him, and I'll own him as my son,
the brave Leonard Meryll, who saved his flag
and cut his way through fifty foes who thirsted for his life.
He will be welcomed without question by my brother-
Yeomen, I'll warrant that.
Now, how to get access to the Colonel's cell?
(To PHOEBE)
The key is with they sour-faced admirer,
Wilfred Shadbolt.

PHOEBE
(demurely)
I think- I say, I think- I can get anything I want from Wilfred.
I think- mind I say, I think- you may leave that to me.

MERYLL
Then get thee hence at once,
lad- and bless thee for this sacrifice.

PHOEBE
And take my blessing, too,
dear, dear Leonard!

LEONARD
And thine. eh? Humph! Thy love is newborn;
wrap it up carefully, lest it take cold and die.

No. 4. Alas! I waver to and fro
(TRIO)
Phoebe, Leonard, and Meryll

PHOEBE
Alas! I waver to and fro!
Dark danger hangs upon the deed!

ALL
Dark danger hangs upon the deed!

LEONARD
The scheme is rash and well may fail;
But ours are not the hearts that quail,
The hands that shrink, the cheeks that pale
In hours of need!

ALL
No, ours are not the hearts that quail,
The hands that shrink, the cheeks that pale
The hands that shrink, the cheeks that pale
In hours of need!

MERYLL
The air I breathe to him I owe:
My life is his- I count it naught!

PHOEBE and LEONARD
That life is his- so count it naught!

MERYLL
And shall I reckon risks I run
When services are to be done
To save the life of such an one?
Unworthy thought! Unworthy thought!

PHOEBE and LEONARD
And shall we reckon risks we run
To save the life of such an one?

ALL
Unworthy thought! Unworthy thought!
We may succeed- who can foretell?
May heav'n help our hope-
May heav'n help our hope,
farewell!
May heav'n help our hope,
Help our hope,
farewell!

(LEONARD embraces MERYLL and PHOEBE,
and then exits. PHOEBE weeping.)

MERYLL
(goes up to PHOEBE)
Nay, lass, be of good cheer,
we may save him yet.

PHOEBE
Oh! see, after- they bring the poor gentleman from the Beauchamp!
Oh, father! his hour is not yet come?

MERYLL
No, no- they lead him to the Cold Harbour Tower
to await his end in solitude.
But softly- the Lieutenant approaches!
He should not see thee weep.

(Enter FAIRFAX, guarded by YEOMEN.
The LIEUTENANT enters, meeting him.)

LIEUTENANT
Halt! Colonel Fairfax, my old friend,
we meet but sadly.

FAIRFAX
Sir, I greet you with all good-will;
and I thank you for the zealous acre with which
you have guarded me from the pestilent dangers
which threaten human life outside.
In this happy little community, Death, when he comes,
doth so in punctual and business-like fashion;
and, like a courtly gentleman, giveth due notice
of his advent, that one may not be taken unawares.

LIEUTENANT
Sir, you bear this bravely, as a brave man should.

FAIRFAX
Why, sir, it is no light boon to die swiftly
and surely at a given hour and in a given fashion!
Truth to tell, I would gladly have my life;
but if that may not be, I have the next best thing to it,
which is death. Believe me, sir, my lot is not so much amiss!

PHOEBE
(aside to MERYLL)
Oh, father, father, I cannot bear it!

MERYLL
My poor lass!

FAIRFAX
Nay, pretty one, why weepest thou?
Come, be comforted.
Such a life as mine is not worth weeping for.
(sees MERYLL)
Sergeant Meryll, is it not?
(to LIEUTENANT)
May I greet my old friend?
(Shakes MERYLL's hand; MERYLL begins to weep)
Why, man, what's all this?
Thou and I have faced the grim old king a dozen times,
and never has his majesty come to me in such goodly fashion.
Keep a stout heart, good fellow- we are soldiers,
and we know how to die, thou and I. Take my word for it,
it is easier to die well than to live well- for,
in sooth, I have tried both.

No. 5. Is life a boon?
(BALLAD)
Fairfax

FAIRFAX
Is life a boon?
If so, it must befall
That Death, whene'er he call,
Must call too soon.
Though fourscore years he give,
Yet one would pray to live
Another moon!
What kind of plaint have I,
Who perish in July,
who perish in July?
I might have had to die,
Perchance, in June!
I might have had to die,
Perchance, in June!
Is life a thorn?
Then count it not a whit!
Nay, count it not a whit!
Man is well done with it;
Soon as he's born
He should all means essay
To put the plague away;
And I, war-worn,
Poor captured fugitive,
My life most gladly give-
I might have had to live,
Another morn!
I might have had to live,
Another morn!

(At the end, PHOEBE is led off, weeping, by MERYLL.

FAIRFAX
And now, Sir Richard, I have a boon to beg.
I am in this strait for no better reason than because my kinsman,
Sir Clarence Poltwhistle, one of the Secretaries of State,
has charged me with sorcery,
in order that he may succeed in my estate,
which devolves to him provided I die unmarried.

LIEUTENANT
As thou wilt most surely do.

FAIRFAX
Nay, as I will most surely not do, by your worship's grace!
I have a mind to thwart this good cousin of mine.

LIEUTENANT
How?

FAIRFAX
By marrying forthwith, to be sure!

LIEUTENANT
But heaven ha' mercy,
whom wouldst thou marry?

FAIRFAX
Nay, I am indifferent on that score.
Coming Death hath made of me a true
and chivalrous knight, who holds all womankind
in such esteem that the oldest, and the meanest,
and the worst-favoured of them is good enough for him.
So, my good Lieutenant, if thou wouldst serve
a poor soldier who has but an hour to live,
find me the first that comes- my confessor shall marry us,
and her dower shall be my dishonoured name
and a hundred crowns to boot.
No such poor dower for an hour of matrimony!

LIEUTENANT
A strange request. I doubt that
I should be warranted in granting it.

FAIRFAX
There never was a marriage fraught
with so little of evil to the contracting parties.
In an hour she'll be a widow,
and I- a bachelor again for aught I know!

LIEUTENANT
Well, I will see what can be done,
for I hold thy kinsman in abhorrence
for the scurvy trick he has played thee.

FAIRFAX
A thousand thanks, good sir;
we meet again in this spot in an hour or so.
I shall be a bridegroom then,
and your worship will wish me joy.
Till then, farewell.
(To GUARD)
I am ready, good fellows.

(Exit with GUARD into Cold Harbour Tower)

LIEUTENANT
He is a brave fellow, and it is a pity that he should die.
Now, how to find him a bride at such short notice?
Well, the task should be easy!
(Exit)

(Enter JACK POINT and ELSIE MAYNARD,
pursued by a CROWD of men and women.
POINT and ELSIE are much terrified;
POINT, however, assuming an appearance of self possession.)

No. 6. Here's a man of jollity
(CHORUS)
People, Elsie, and Jack Point

CHORUS
Here's a man of jollity,
Jibe, joke, jollify!
Give us of your quality,
Come, fool, follify!
If you vapour vapidly,
River runneth rapidly,
Into it we fling
Bird who doesn't sing!
Give us an experiment
In the art of merriment;
Into it we throw
Cock who doesn't crow!
Banish your timidity,
And with all rapidity
Give us quip and quiddity-
Willy-nilly, O!
River none can mollify;
Into it we throw
Fool who doesn't follify,
Cock who doesn't crow!
Banish your timidity,
And with all rapidity
Give us quip and quiddity-
Willy-nilly, O!

POINT
(alarmed)
My masters, I pray you bear with us,
and we will satisfy you, for we are merry folk who
would make all merry as ourselves.
For, look you, there is humour in all things,
and the truest philosophy is that which teaches us
to find it and to make the most of it.

ELSIE
(struggling with 1ST CITIZEN)
Hands off, I say, unmannerly fellow!
(she boxes his ears)

POINT
(to 1ST CITIZEN)
Ha! Didst thou hear her say, "Hands off"?

1 ST CITIZEN
Aye, I heard her say it,
and I felt her do it! What then?

POINT
Thou dost not see the humour of that?

1 St CITIZEN
Nay, if I do, hang me!

POINT
Thou dost not? Now, observe. She said, "Hands off!
"Whose hands? Thine. Off whom? Off her. Why? Because
she is a woman. Now, had she not been a woman, thine
hands had not been set upon her at all. So the reason
for the laying on of hands is the reason for the
taking off of hands, and herein is contradiction
contradicted! It is the very marriage of pro with con;
and no such lopsided union either, as times go, for
pro is not more unlike con than man is unlike woman-
yet men and women marry every day with none to say,
"Oh, the pity of it!" but I and fools like me! Now
wherewithal shall we please you? We can rhyme you
couplet, triolet, quatrain, sonnet,rondolet, ballade,
what you will. Or we can dance you saraband, gondolet,
carole, pimpernel, or Jumping Joan.

ELSIE
Let us give them the singing farce of the Merryman
and his Maid- therein is song and dance too.

ALL
Aye, the Merryman and his Maid!


No. 7. I have a song to sing, O!
(DUET)
Elsie and Point

POINT
I have a song to sing, O!

ELSIE
Sing me your song, O!

POINT
It is sung to the moon
By a love-lorn loon,
Who fled from the mocking throng, O!
It's a song of a merryman, moping mum,
Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum,
Who sipped no sup, and who craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye.
Heighdy! heighdy!
Misery me-lack-a-day-dee!
He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!

ELSIE
I have a song to sing, O!

POINT
Sing me your song, O!

ELSIE
It is sung with the ring
Of the songs maids sing
Who love with a love life-long, O!
It's the song of a merrymaid, peerly proud,
Who loved a lord, and who laughed aloud
At the moan of the merryman, moping mum,
Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum,
Who sipped no sup, and who craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!
Heighdy! heighdy!
Misery me-lack-a-day-dee!
He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!

POINT
I have a song to sing, O!

ELSIE
Sing me your song, O!

POINT
It is sung to the knell
Of a churchyard bell,
And a doleful dirge, ding dong, O!
It's a song of a popinjay, bravely born,
Who turned up his noble nose with scorn
At the humble merrymaid, peerly proud,
Who loved a lord, and who laughed aloud
At the moan of the merryman, moping mum,
Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum,
Who sipped no sup, and who craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!
Heighdy! heighdy!
Misery me-lack-a-day-dee!
He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!

ELSIE
I have a song to sing, O!

POINT
Sing me your song, O!

ELSIE
It is sung with a sigh
And a tear in the eye,
For it tells of a righted wrong, O!
It's a song of the merrymaid, once so gay,
Who turned on her heel and tripped away
From the peacock popinjay, bravely born,
Who turned up his noble nose with scorn
At the humble heart that he did not prize:
So she begged on her knees, with downcast eyes,
For the love of the merryman, moping mum,
Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum,
Who sipped no sup, and who craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!

BOTH
Heighdy! heighdy!
Misery me-lack-a-day-dee!
His pains were o'er, and he sighed no more,
For he lived in the love of a ladye!
Heighdy! heighdy!
Misery me-lack-a-day-dee!
His pains were o'er, and he sighed no more,
For he lived in the love of a ladye!

1^ST CITIZEN
Well sung and well danced!

2^ND CITIZEN
A kiss for that, pretty maid!

ALL
Aye, a kiss all round.
(CROWD gathers around her)

ELSIE
(drawing dagger)
Best beware! I am armed!

POINT
Back, sirs- back! This is going too far.

2^ND CITIZEN
Thou dost not see the humour of it, eh?
Yet there is humour in all things- even in this.
(Trying to kiss her)

ELSIE
Help! Help!

(Enter LIEUTENANT with GUARD. CROWD falls back

LIEUTENANT
What is the pother?

ELSIE
Sir, we sang to these folk,
and they would have repaid us with gross courtesy,
but for your honour's coming.

LIEUTENANT
(to CROWD)
Away with ye! Clear the rabble.
(GUARDS push CROWD off, and go off with them)
Now, my girl, who are you, and what do you here?

ELSIE
May it please you, sir, we are two strolling players,
Jack Point and I, Elsie Maynard, at your worship's service.
We go from fair to fair, singing, and dancing,
and playing brief interludes; and so we make a poor living.

LIEUTENANT
You two, eh? Are ye man and wife?

POINT
No, sir; for though I'm a fool, there is a limit to my
folly. Her mother, old Bridget Maynard, travels with
us (for Elsie is a good girl), but the old woman is a-
bed with fever, and we have come here to pick up some
silver to buy an electuary for her.

LIEUTENANT
Hark ye, my girl! Your mother is ill?

ELSIE
Sorely ill, sir.

LIEUTENANT
And needs good food, and many things
that thou canst not buy?

ELSIE
Alas! sir, it is too true.

LIEUTENANT
Wouldst thou earn an hundred crowns?

ELSIE
An hundred crowns! They might save her life!

LIEUTENANT
Then listen! A worthy but unhappy gentleman is to be
beheaded in an hour on this very spot. For sufficient
reasons, he desires to marry before he dies, and he
hath asked me to find him a wife. Wilt thou be that
wife?

ELSIE
The wife of a man I have never seen!

POINT
Why, sir, look you, I am concerned in this; for though
I am not yet wedded to Elsie Maynard, time works
wonders, and there's no knowing what may be in store
for us. Have we your worship's word for it that this
gentleman will die to-day?

LIEUTENANT
Nothing is more certain, I grieve to say.

POINT
And that the maiden will be allowed to depart
the very instant the ceremony is at an end?

LIEUTENANT
The very instant.
I pledge my honour that it shall be so.

POINT
An hundred crowns?

LIEUTENANT
An hundred crowns!

POINT
For my part, I consent. It is for Elsie to speak.

No. 8. How say you, maiden, will you wed
(TRIO)
Elsie, Point, and Lieutenant

LIEUTENANT
How say you, maiden, will you wed
A man about to lose his head?
For half an hour
You'll be his wife,
And then the dower
Is your for life.
A headless bridegroom why refuse?
If truth the poets tell,
Most bridegrooms, 'ere they marry,
Lose both head and heart as well!

ELSIE
A strange proposal you reveal,
It almost makes my senses reel.
Alas! I'm very poor indeed,
And such a sum I sorely need.
My mother, sir, is like to die.
This money life may bring.
Bear this in mind, I pray,
If I consent to do this thing!

POINT
Though as a general rule of life
I don't allow my promised wife,
My lovely bride that is to be,
To marry anyone but me,
Yet if the fee is promptly paid,
And he, in well-earned grave,
Within the hour is duly laid,
Objection I will waive!
Yes, objection I will waive!

ALL
Temptation, oh, temptation,
Were we, I pray, intended
To shun, what e'er our station,
Your fascinations splendid;
Or fall, whene'er we view you,
Head over heels into you?
Head over heels, Head over heels,
Head over heels into you!
Head over heels, Head over heels,
Head over heels, Right into you!
Head over heels, Head over heels, etc.
Temptation, oh, temptation!

(During this, the LIEUTENANT has whispered to WILFRED -
who has entered. WILFRED binds ELSIE's eyes with a kerchief,
and leads her into the Cold Harbour Tower)

LIEUTENANT
And so, good fellow, you are a jester?

POINT
Aye, sir, and like some of my jests, out of place.

LIEUTENANT
I have a vacancy for such an one.
Tell me, what are your qualifications for such a post?

POINT
Marry, sir, I have a pretty wit. I can rhyme you
extempore; I can convulse you with quip and
conundrum;I have the lighter philosophies at my
tongue's tip; I can be merry, wise, quaint, grim, and
sardonic, one by one, or all at once; I have a pretty
turn for anecdote; I know all the jests- ancient and
modern- past, present, and to come; I can riddle you
from dawn of day to set of sun, and, if that content
you not, well on to midnight and the small hours. Oh,
sir, a pretty wit, I warrant you- a pretty, pretty
wit!

No. 9. I've jibe and joke
(SONG)
Point

POINT
I've jibe and joke
And quip and crank
For lowly folk
And men of rank.
I ply my craft
And know no fear.
But aim my shaft
At prince or peer.
At peer or prince- at prince or peer,
I aim my shaft and know no fear!
I've wisdom from the East and from the West,
That's subject to no academic rule;
You may find it in the jeering of a jest,
Or distil it from the folly of a fool.
I can teach you with a quip, if I've a mind;
I can trick you into learning with a laugh;
Oh, winnow all my folly, folly, folly, and you'll find
A grain or two of truth among the chaff!
Oh, winnow all my folly, folly, folly, and
you'll find
A grain or two of truth among the chaff!
I can set a braggart quailing with a quip,
The upstart I can wither with a whim;
He may wear a merry laugh upon his lip,
But his laughter has an echo that is grim.
When they're offered to the world in merry guise,
Unpleasant truths are swallowed with a will,
For he who'd make his fellow,
fellow, fellow creatures wise
Should always gild the philosophic pill!
For he who'd make his fellow,
fellow, fellow creatures wise
Should always gild the philosophic pill!

LIEUTENANT
And how came you to leave your last employ?

POINT
Why, sir, it was in this wise. My Lord was the
Archbishop of Canterbury, and it was considered that
one of my jokes was unsuited to His Grace's family
circle. In truth, I ventured to ask a poor riddle,
sir- Wherein lay the difference between His Grace and
poor Jack Point? His Grace was pleased to give it up,
sir. And thereupon I told him that whereas His Grace
was paid 10,000 a year for being good, poor Jack Point
was good- for nothing. 'Twas but a harmless jest, but
it offended His Grace, who whipped me and set me in
the stocks for a scurril rogue, and so we parted. I
had as lief not take post again with the dignified
clergy.

LIEUTENANT
But I trust you are very careful
not to give offence. I have daughters.

POINT
Sir, my jests are most carefully selected,
and anything objectionable is expunged.
If your honour pleases,
I will try then first on your honour's chaplain.

LIEUTENANT
Can you give me an example?
Say that I had sat me down hurriedly on something sharp?

POINT
Sir, I should say that you had sat down
on the spur of the moment.

LIEUTENANT
Humph! I don't think much of that.
Is that the best you can do?

POINT
It has always been much admired,
sir, but we will try again.

LIEUTENANT
Well, then, I am at dinner,
and the joint of meat is but half cooked.

POINT
Why then, sir, I should say that
what is underdone cannot be helped.

LIEUTENANT
I see. I think that manner
of thing would be somewhat irritating.

POINT
At first, sir, perhaps; but use is everything,
and you would come in time to like it.

LIEUTENANT
We will suppose that I caught you kissing
the kitchen wench under my very nose.

POINT
Under her very nose, good sir- not under yours!
That is where I would kiss her. Do you take me?
Oh, sir, a pretty wit- a pretty, pretty wit!

LIEUTENANT
The maiden comes. Follow me, friend,
and we will discuss this matter at length in my library.

POINT
I am your worship's servant. That is to say, I trust
I soon shall be. But, before proceeding to a more
serious topic, can you tell me, sir, why a cook's
brain-pan is like an overwound clock?

LIEUTENANT
A truce to this fooling- follow me.

POINT
Just my luck; my best conundrum wasted!

(Exeunt LIEUTENANT and POINT.
Enter ELSIE from Tower, led by WILFRED,
who removes the bandage from her eyes, and exits.)

No. 10. 'Tis done! I am a bride!
(RECITATIVE AND SONG)
Elsie

ELSIE
'Tis done! I am a bride! Oh, little ring,
That bearest in thy circlet all the gladness
That lovers hope for, and that poets sing,
What bringest thou to me but gold and sadness?
A bridegroom all unknown, save in this wise,
To-day he dies! To-day, alas, he dies!
Though tear and long-drawn sigh
Ill fit a bride,
No sadder wife than I
The whole world wide!
Ah me! Ah me!
Yet maids there be
Who would consent to lose
The very rose of youth,
The flow'r of life,
To be, in honest truth,
A wedded wife,
No matter whose!
No matter whose!
Ah me! what profit we,
O maids that sigh,
Though gold, though gold should live
If wedded love must die?
Ere half an hour has rung,
A widow I!
Ah, heaven, he is too young,
Too brave to die!
Ah me! Ah me!
Yet wives there be
So weary worn, I trow,
That they would scarce complain,
So that they could
In half an hour attain
To widowhood,
No matter how!
No matter how!
O weary wives
Who widowhood would win,
Rejoice, rejoice, that ye have time
To weary in.
O weary wives
Who widowhood would win,
Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice,
that ye have time
O weary, weary wives, rejoice!

(Exit ELSIE as WILFRED re-enters.

WILFRED
(looking after ELSIE)
'Tis an odd freak for a dying
man and his confessor to be closeted alone with a
strange singing girl. I would fain have espied them,
but they stopped up the keyhole. My keyhole!

(Enter PHOEBE with SERGEANT MERYLL.
MERYLL remains in the background,
unobserved by WILFRED.)

PHOEBE
(aside)
Wilfred- and alone!

WILFRED
Now what could he have wanted with her?
That's what puzzles me!

PHOEBE
(aside)
Now to get the keys from him.
(Aloud)
Wilfred- has no reprieve arrived?

WILFRED
None. Thine adored Fairfax is to die.

PHOEBE
Nay, thou knowest that I have naught
but pity for the poor condemned gentleman.

WILFRED
I know that he who is about to die is more
to thee than I, who am alive and well.

PHOEBE
Why, that were out of reason, dear Wilfred. Do they
not say that a live ass is better than a dead lion?
No, I didn't mean that!

WILFRED
Oh, they say that, do they?

PHOEBE
It's unpardonably rude of them, but I believe they put
it in that way. Not that it applies to thee, who art
clever beyond all telling!

WILFRED
Oh yes, as an assistant-tormentor.

PHOEBE
Nay, as a wit, as a humorist, as a most philosophic commentator
on the vanity of human resolution.

(PHOEBE slyly takes bunch
of keys from WILFRED's waistband
and hands them to MERYLL,
who enters the Tower, unnoticed by WILFRED.)

WILFRED
Truly, I have seen great resolution give way under my
persuasive methods (working with a small thumbscrew).
In the nice regulation of a thumbscrew- in the
hundredth part of a single revolution lieth all the
difference between stony reticence and a torrent of
impulsive unbosoming that the pen can scarcely follow.
Ha! ha! I am a mad wag.

PHOEBE
(with a grimace)
Thou art a most light-hearted and
delightful companion, Master Wilfred. Thine anecdotes
of the torture-chamber are the prettiest hearing.

WILFRED
I'm a pleasant fellow an' I choose.
I believe I am the merriest dog that barks.
Ah, we might be passing happy together-

PHOEBE
Perhaps. I do not know.

WILFRED
For thou wouldst make a most tender and loving wife.

PHOEBE
Aye, to one whom I really loved. For there is a wealth
of love within this little heart- saving up for- I
wonder whom? Now, of all the world of men, I wonder
whom? To think that he whom I am to wed is now alive
and somewhere! Perhaps far away, perhaps close at
hand! And I know him not! It seemeth that I am wasting
time in not knowing him.

WILFRED
Now say that it is I- nay! suppose it for the nonce.
Say that we are wed- suppose it only- say that thou
art my very bride, and I thy cherry, joyous, bright,
frolicsome husband- and that, the day's work being
done, and the prisoners stored away for the night,
thou and I are alone together- with a long, long
evening before us!

PHOEBE
(with a grimace)
It is a pretty picture- but I
scarcely know.
It cometh so unexpectedly- and yet-and
yet- were I thy bride-

WILFRED
Aye!- wert thou my bride-?

PHOEBE
Oh, how I would love thee!

No. 11. Were I thy bride
(SONG)
Phoebe

PHOEBE
Were I thy bride,
Then all the world beside
Were not too wide
To hold my wealth of love-
Were I thy bride!
Upon thy breast
My loving head would rest,
As on her nest
The tender turtle dove-
Were I thy bride!
This heart of mine
Would be one heart with thine,
And in that shrine
Our happiness would dwell-
Were I thy bride!
And all day long
Our lives should be a song:
No grief, no wrong
Should make my heart rebel-
Were I thy bride!
The silvery flute,
The melancholy lute,
Were night-owl's hoot
To my low-whispered coo-
Were I thy bride!
The skylark's trill
Were but discordance shrill
To the soft thrill
Of wooing as I'd woo-
Were I thy bride!
(MERYLL re-enters; gives keys to PHOEBE,
who replaces them at WILFRED's girdle,
unnoticed by him. Exit MERYLL.
The rose's sigh
Were as a carrion's cry
To lullaby
Such as I'd sing to thee,
Were I thy bride!
A feather's press
Were leaden heaviness to my caress.
But then, of course, you see,
I'm not thy bride.

(Exit PHOEBE)

WILFRED
No, thou'rt not- not yet! But, Lord, how she woo'd;
I should be no mean judge of wooing, seeing
that I have been more hotly woo'd than most men.
I have been woo'd by maid, widow, and wife.
I have been woo'd boldly, timidly,
tearfully, shyly- by direct assault,
by suggestion, by implication, by inference,
and by innuendo. But this wooing is not of the common order;
it is the wooing of one who must needs me, if she die for it!

(Exit WILFRED. Enter SERGEANT MERRILL,
cautiously, from Tower.)

MERYLL
(looking after them)
The deed is, so far, safely accomplished.
The slyboots, how she wheedled him!
What a helpless ninny is a love-sick man!
He is but as a lute in a woman's hands-
she plays upon him whatever tune she will.
But the Colonel comes. I' faith, he's just in time,
for the Yeomen parade here for his execution in two minutes!

(Enter FAIRFAX, without beard and moustache,
and dressed in Yeoman's uniform.)

FAIRFAX
My good and kind friend,
thou runnest a grave risk for me!

MERYLL
Tut, sir, no risk. I'll warrant none here will recognise you.
You make a brave Yeoman, sir! So- this ruff is too high;
so- and the sword should hang thus.
Here is your halbert, sir; carry it thus.
The Yeomen come. Now, remember,
you are my brave son, Leonard Meryll.

FAIRFAX
If I may not bear mine own name,
there is none other I would bear so readily.

MERYLL
Now, sir, put a bold face on it, for they come.

No. 12. Oh, Sergeant Meryll, is it true
(FINALE OF ACT I)
Ensemble

(Enter YEOMEN of the Guard

YEOMEN
Oh, Sergeant Meryll, is it true-
The welcome news we read in orders?
Thy son, whose deeds of derring-do
Are echoed all the country through,
Has come to join the Tower Warders?
If so, we come to meet him,
That we may fitly greet him,
And welcome his arrival here
With shout on shout and cheer on cheer,
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

MERYLL
Ye Tower warders, nursed in war's alarms,
Suckled on gunpowder, and weaned on glory,
Behold my son, whose all-subduing arms
Have formed the theme of many a song and story!
Forgive his aged father's pride; nor jeer
His aged father's sympathetic tear!
(Pretending to weep)

YEOMEN
Leonard Meryll!
Leonard Meryll!
Dauntless he in time of peril!
Man of power,
Knighthood's flower,
Welcome to the grim old Tower,
To the Tower, welcome thou!

FAIRFAX
Forbear, my friends, and spare me this ovation,
I have small claim to such consideration;
The tales that of my prowess are narrated
Have been prodigiously exaggerated,
prodigiously exaggerated!

YEOMEN
'Tis ever thus!
Wherever valor true is found,
True modesty will there abound.

1ST YEOMAN
Didst thou not, oh, Leonard Meryll!
Standard lost in last campaign,
Rescue it at deadly peril-
Bear it safely back again?

YEOMEN
Leonard Meryll, at his peril,
Bore it safely back again!

2ND YEOMAN
Didst thou not, when prisoner taken,
And debarred from all escape,
Face, with gallant heart unshaken,
Death in most appalling shape?

YEOMEN
Leonard Meryll, faced his peril,
Death in most appalling shape!

FAIRFAX
(aside)
Truly I was to be pitied,
Having but an hour to live,
I reluctantly submitted,
I had no alternative!

FAIRFAX
(aloud)
Oh! the tales that are narrated
Of my deeds of derring-do
Have been much exaggerated,
Very much exaggerated,
Scarce a word of them is true!
Scarce a word of them is true!

YEOMEN
They are not exaggerated,
Not at all exaggerated,
Could not be exaggerated,
Ev'ry word of them is true!

3RD YEOMAN
(optional)
You, when brought to execution,
Like a demigod of yore,
With heroic resolution
Snatched a sword and killed a score.

YEOMEN
(optional)
Leonard Meryll, Leonard Meryll
Snatched a sword and killed a score!

4TH YEOMAN
(optional)
Then escaping from the foemen,
Boltered with the blood you shed,
You, defiant, fearing no men,
Saved your honour and your head!

YEOMEN
(optional)
Leonard Meryll, Leonard Meryll
Saved his honour and his head.

FAIRFAX
(optional)
True, my course with judgement shaping,
Favoured, too, by lucky star,
I succeeded in escaping
Prison-bolt and prison bar!

FAIRFAX
(optional)
Oh! the tales that are narrated
Of my deeds of derring-do
Have been much exaggerated,
Very much exaggerated,
Scarce a word of them is true!
Scarce a word of them is true!

YEOMEN
(optional)
They are not exaggerated,
Not at all exaggerated,
Could not be exaggerated,
Ev'ry word of them is true!

(Enter PHOEBE. She rushes to FAIRFAX.
Enter WILFRED.

PHOEBE
Leonard!

FAIRFAX
(puzzled)
I beg your pardon?

PHOEBE
Don't you know me? I'm little Phoebe!

FAIRFAX
(still puzzled)
Phoebe? Is this Phoebe?
What! little Phoebe?
(aside)
Who the deuce may she be?
It can't be Phoebe, surely?

WILFRED
Yes, 'tis Phoebe-
Your sister Phoebe!
Your own little sister!

YEOMEN
Aye, he speaks the truth; 'Tis Phoebe!

FAIRFAX
(pretending to recognise her)
Sister Phoebe!

PHOEBE
Oh, my brother!

FAIRFAX
Why, how you've grown!
I did not recognize you!

PHOEBE
So many years! Oh, brother!

FAIRFAX
Oh, my sister!

BOTH
Oh, brother!/Oh, sister!

WILFRED
Aye, hug him, girl!
There are three thou mayst hug-
Thy father and thy brother and- myself!

FAIRFAX
Thyself, forsooth?
And who art thou thyself?

WILFRED
Good sir, we are betrothed.

(FAIRFAX turns inquiringly to PHOEBE

PHOEBE
Or more or less-
But rather less than more!

WILFRED
To thy fond care
I do commend thy sister.
Be to her
An ever-watchful guardian- eagle-eyed!
And when she feels (as sometimes she does feel)
Disposed to indiscriminate caress,
Be thou at hand to take those favours from her!

YEOMEN
Be thou at hand to take those favours from her!

PHOEBE
Yes, yes.
Be thou at hand to take those favours from me!

WILFRED
To thy fraternal care
Thy sister I commend;
From every lurking snare
Thy lovely charge defend;
And to achieve this end,
Oh! grant, I pray, this boon-
Oh! grant this boon
She shall not quit my sight;
From morn to afternoon-
From afternoon to night-
From sev'n o'clock to two-
From two to eventide-
From dim twilight to 'lev'n at night,
From dim twilight to 'lev'n at night
She shall not quit my side!

YEOMEN
From morn to afternoon-
From afternoon to 'lev'n at night
She shall not quit thy side!

PHOEBE
So amiable I've grown,
So innocent as well,
That if I'm left alone
The consequences fell
No mortal can foretell.
So grant, I pray, this boon-
Oh! grant this boon
I shall not quit thy sight:
From morn to afternoon-
From afternoon to night-
From sev'n o'clock to two-
From two to eventide-
From dim twilight to 'lev'n at night
From dim twilight to 'lev'n at night
I shall not quit thy side!

YEOMEN
From morn to afternoon-
From afternoon to 'lev'n at night
She shall not quit thy side!

FAIRFAX
With brotherly readiness,
For my fair sister's sake,
At once I answer "Yes"-
That task I undertake-
My word I never break.
I freely grant that boon,
And I'll repeat my plight.
From morn to afternoon- (kiss)
From afternoon to night- (kiss)
From sev'n o'clock to two- (kiss)
From two to evening meal- (kiss)
From dim twilight to 'lev'n at night,
From dim twilight to 'lev'n at night,
That compact I will seal. (kiss)

YEOMEN
From morn to afternoon,
From afternoon to 'lev'n at night
He freely grants that boon.

(The bell of St. Peter's begins to toll. The CROWD enters;
the block is brought on to the stage,
and the HEADSMAN takes his place.
The YEOMEN of the Guard form up.
The LIEUTENANT enters and takes his place,
and tells off FAIRFAX and two others
to bring the prisoner to execution.
WILFRED, FAIRFAX, and
TWO YEOMEN exeunt to Tower.)

CHORUS
The prisoner comes to meet his doom;
The block, the headsman, and the tomb.
The funeral bell begins to toll;
May Heav'n have mercy on his soul!
May Heav'n have mercy on his soul!

ELSIE
Oh, Mercy, thou whose smile has shone
So many a captive heart upon;
Of all immured within these walls,
To-day the very worthiest falls!

ALL
Oh, Mercy, thou whose smile has shone
So many a captive heart upon;
Of all immured within these walls,
The very worthiest falls.
Oh, Mercy, Oh, Mercy!

(Enter FAIRFAX and TWO YEOMEN
from Tower in great excitement.)

FAIRFAX
My lord! I know not how to tell
The news I bear!
I and my comrades sought the pris'ner's cell-
He is not there!

ALL
He is not there!
They sought the pris'ner's cell-
he is not there!

FAIRFAX AND TWO YEOMEN
As escort for the prisoner
We sought his cell, in duty bound;
The double gratings open were,
No prisoner at all we found!
We hunted high, we hunted low,
We hunted here, we hunted there-
The man we sought with anxious care
Had vanished into empty air!
The man we sought with anxious care
Had vanished into empty air!

(Exit LIEUTENANT)

WOMEN
Now, by my troth, the news is fair,
The man has vanished into air!

ALL
As escort for the prisoner
We/they sought his cell in duty bound;
The double gratings open were,
No prisoner at all we/they found,
We/they hunted high, we/they hunted low,
We/they hunted here, we/they hunted there,
The man we/they sought with anxious care
Had vanished into empty air!
The man we/they sought with anxious care
Had vanished into empty air!

(Enter WILFRED, followed by LIEUTENANT)

LIEUTENANT
Astounding news! The pris'ner fled!
(To WILFRED)
Thy life shall forfeit be instead!

(WILFRED is arrested)

WILFRED
My lord, I did not set him free,
I hate the man- my rival he!

MERYLL
The pris'ner gone- I'm all agape!

LIEUTENANT
Thy life shall forfeit be instead!

MERYLL
Who could have helped him to escape?

WILFRED
My lord, I did not set him free!

PHOEBE
Indeed I can't imagine who!
I've no idea at all, have you?

(Enter JACK POINT)

DAME
Of his escape no traces lurk,
Enchantment must have been at work!

ELSIE
(aside to POINT)
What have I done? Oh, woe is me!

PHOEBE & DAME
Indeed I can't imagine who!
I've no idea at all, have you?

ELSIE
I am his wife, and he is free!

POINT
Oh, woe is you? Your anguish sink!
Oh, woe is me, I rather think!
Oh, woe is me, I rather think!
Yes, woe is me, I rather think!
Whate'er betide
You are his bride,
And I am left
Alone- bereft!
Yes, woe is me, I rather think!
Yes, woe is me, I rather think!
Yes, woe is me, Yes, woe is me,
Yes, woe is me,
Yes, woe is me, I rather think!

ENSEMBLE
All frenzied with despair I/they rave,
The grave is cheated of its due.
Who is, who is the misbegotten knave
Who hath contrived this deed to do?
Let search, let search
Be made throughout the land,
Or his/my vindictive anger dread-
A thousand marks, a thousand marks
he'll/I'll hand
Who brings him here, alive or dead,
Who brings him here, alive or dead!
A thousand marks, a thousand marks,
Alive, alive or dead
Alive, alive or dead
Who brings him here, alive, alive, or dead.

(At the end, ELSIE faints in FAIRFAX's arms;
all the YEOMEN and CROWD rush off the stage
in different directions, to hunt for the fugitive,
leaving only the HEADSMAN on the stage,
and ELSIE insensible in FAIRFAX's arms.)






ACT II

ACT I
ACT II

(SCENE.- The same- Moonlight.)
(Two days have elapsed.)
(WOMEN and YEOMEN of the Guard discovered.)

No. 13. Night has spread her pall once more
(CHORUS AND SOLO)
People, Yeomen, and Dame Carruthers

CHORUS
Night has spread her pall once more,
And the pris'ner still is free:
Open is his dungeon door,
Useless now his dungeon key.
He has shaken off his yoke-
How, no mortal man can tell!
Shame on loutish jailor-folk-
Shame on sleepy sentinel!

(Enter DAME CARRUTHERS and KATE)

DAME
Warders are ye?
Whom do ye ward?
Warders are ye?
Whom do ye ward?
Bolt, bar, and key,
Shackle and cord,
Fetter and chain,
Dungeon and stone,
All are in vain-
Prisoner's flown!
Spite of ye all, he is free- he is free!
Whom do ye ward? Pretty warders are ye!

WOMEN
Pretty warders are ye!
Whom do ye ward?
Spite of ye all, he is free- he is free!
Whom do ye ward?
Pretty warders are ye!

MEN
Up and down, and in and out,
Here and there, and round about;
Ev'ry chamber, ev'ry house,
Ev'ry chink that holds a mouse,
Ev'ry crevice in the keep,
Where a beetle black could creep,
Ev'ry outlet, ev'ry drain,
Have we searched, but all in vain, all in vain.

WOMEN
Warders are ye?
Whom do ye ward?

MEN
Ev'ry house, ev'ry chink, ev'ry drain,

WOMEN
Warders are ye?
Whom do ye ward?

MEN
Ev'ry chamber, ev'ry outlet,
Have we searched, but all in vain.

WOMEN
Night has spread her pall once more,
And the pris'ner still is free:

MEN
Warders are we? Whom do we ward?
Whom do we ward?
Warders are we? Whom do we ward?
Whom do we ward?

WOMEN
Open is his dungeon door,
Useless his dungeon key!

ALL
Spite of us all, he is free, he is free!

MEN
Pretty warders are we, he is free!
Spite of us all, he is free, he is free!

WOMEN
Open is his dungeon door,

MEN
Spite of us all, he is free, he is free!
Pretty warders are we, he is free! He is free!

WOMEN
He is free! He is free!
Pretty warders are ye,

ALL
He is free! He is free!
Pretty warders are ye/we!

(Exeunt all.)

(Enter JACK POINT, in low spirits, reading from a huge volume)

POINT
(reads)
"The Merrie Jestes of Hugh Ambrose, No. 7863.
The Poor Wit and the Rich Councillor.
A certayne poor wit, being an-hungered,
did meet a well-fed councillor.'Marry,
fool,' quothe the councillor, 'whither away?'
'In truth,' said the poor wag, 'in that I have eaten
naught these two dayes, I do wither away,
and that right rapidly!'
The Councillor laughed hugely, and gave him a sausage.
" Humph! the councillor was easier to please
than my new master the Lieutenant.
I would like to take post under that councillor.
Ah! 'tis but melancholy mumming when poor heart-broken,
jilted Jack Point must needs turn
to Hugh Ambrose for original light humour!

(Enter WILFRED, also in low spirits.)

WILFRED
(sighing)
Ah, Master Point!

POINT
(changing his manner)
Ha! friend jailer! Jailer that wast- jailer
that never shalt be more! Jailer that jailed not,
or that jailed, if jail he did,
so unjailery that 'twas but jerry-jailing,
or jailing in joke- though no joke to him who,
by unjailerlike jailing, did so jeopardise his jailership.
Come, take heart, smile, laugh, wink, twinkle,
thou tormentor that tormentest none- thou racker
that rackest not- thou pincher out of place- come,
take heart, and be merry, as I am!-
(aside, dolefully)
- as I am!

WILFRED
Aye, it's well for thee to laugh.
Thou hast a good post, and hast cause to be merry.

POINT
(bitterly)
Cause? Have we not all cause?
Is not the world a big butt of humour,
into which all who will may drive a gimlet?
See, I am a salaried wit;
and is there aught in nature more ridiculous?
A poor, dull, heart-broken man,
who must needs be merry, or he will be whipped;
who must rejoice, lest he starve;
who must jest you, jibe you, quip you,
crank you, wrack you, riddle you, from hour to hour,
from day to day, from year to year,
lest he dwindle, perish, starve, pine,and die!
Why, when there's naught else to laugh at,
I laugh at myself till I ache for it!

WILFRED
Yet I have often thought that a jester's calling
would suit me to a hair.

POINT
Thee? Would suit thee,
thou death's head and cross- bones?

WILFRED
Aye, I have a pretty wit- a light, airy, joysome wit,
spiced with anecdotes of prison cells and the torture chamber.
Oh, a very delicate wit! I have tried it on many a prisoner,
and there have been some who smiled.
Now it is not easy to make a prisoner smile.
And it should not be difficult to be a good jester,
seeing that thou are one.

POINT
Difficult? Nothing easier. Nothing easier.
Attend, and I will prove it to thee!

No. 14. Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon
(SONG)
Point

POINT
Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon,
If you listen to popular rumour;
From morning to night he's so joyous and bright,
And he bubbles with wit and good humour!
He's so quaint and so terse,
Both in prose and in verse;
Yet though people forgive his transgression,
There are one or two rules that all family fools
Must observe, if they love their profession.
There are one or two rules,
Half-a-dozen, maybe,
That all family fools,
Of whatever degree,
Must observe if they love their profession.
If you wish to succeed as a jester, you'll need
To consider each person's auricular:
What is all right for B would quite scandalize C
(For C is so very particular);
And D may be dull, and E's very thick skull
Is as empty of brains as a ladle;
While F is F sharp, and will cry with a carp,
That he's known your best joke from his cradle!
When your humour they flout,
You can't let yourself go;
And it does put you out
When a person says, "Oh!
I have known that old joke from my cradle!"
If your master is surly, from getting up early
(And tempers are short in the morning),
An inopportune joke is enough to provoke
Him to give you, at once, a month's warning.
Then if you refrain, he is at you again,
For he likes to get value for money:
He'll ask then and there, with an insolent stare,
"If you know that you're paid to be funny?"
It adds to the tasks
Of a merryman's place,
When your principal asks,
With a scowl on his face,
If you know that you're paid to be funny?
Comes a Bishop, maybe, or a solemn D.D.-
Oh, beware of his anger provoking!
Better not pull his hair-
Don't stick pins in his chair;
He won't understand practical joking.
If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack,
You may get a bland smile from these sages;
But should it, by chance, be imported from France,
Half-a-crown is stopped out of your wages!
It's a general rule,
Tho' your zeal it may quench,
If the Family Fool
Makes a joke that's too French,
Half-a-crown is stopped out of his wages!
Though your head it may rack with a bilious attack,
And your senses with toothache you're losing,
And you're mopy and flat-
they don't fine you for that
If you're properly quaint and amusing!
Though your wife ran away with a soldier that day,
And took with her your trifle of money;
Bless your heart, they don't mind-
they're exceedingly kind-
They don't blame you-as long as you're funny!
It's a comfort to feel
If your partner should flit,
Though you suffer a deal,
They don't mind it a bit-
They don't blame you-so long as you're funny!

POINT
And so thou wouldst be a jester eh?

WILFRED
Aye!

POINT
Now, listen! My sweetheart, Elsie Maynard,
was secretly wed to this Fairfax half an hour ere he escaped.

WILFRED
She did well.

POINT
She did nothing of the kind, so hold thy peace and perpend.
Now, while he liveth she is dead to me and I to her,
and so, my jibes and jokes notwithstanding,
I am the saddest and the sorriest dog in England!

WILFRED
Thou art a very dull dog indeed.

POINT
Now, if thou wilt swear that thou didst shoot this Fairfax
while he was trying to swim across the river-
it needs but the discharge of an arquebus on a dark night-
and that he sank and was seen no more,
I'll make thee the very Archbishop of jesters,
and that in two days'time! Now, what sayest thou?

WILFRED
I am to lie?

POINT
Heartily. But thy lie must be a lie of circumstance,
which I will support with the testimony of eyes, ears,and tongue.

WILFRED
And thou wilt qualify me as a jester?

POINT
As a jester among jesters. I will teach thee all my original songs,
my self-constructed riddles, my own ingenious paradoxes;
nay, more, I will reveal to thee the source
whence I get them. Now, what sayest thou?

WILFRED
Why, if it be but a lie thou wantest of me,
I hold it cheap enough, and I say yes, it is a bargain!

No. 15. Hereupon we're both agreed
(DUET)
Point and Wilfred

BOTH
Hereupon we're both agreed,
All that we two
Do agree to
We'll secure by solemn deed,
To prevent all
Error mental.

POINT
You on Elsie are to call
With a story
Grim and gory;

WILFRED
How this Fairfax died, and all
I declare to
You're to swear to.

POINT
I to swear to!

WILFRED
I declare to,

POINT
I to swear to!

WILFRED
I declare to,

BOTH
I to swear to,/I declare to,
You declare to,/You're to swear to,
I to swear to,/I declare to.

BOTH
Tell a tale of cock and bull,
Of convincing detail full
Tale tremendous,
Heav'n defend us!
What a tale of cock and bull!
In return for your/my own part
You are/I am making, undertaking
To instruct me/you in the art
(Art amazing, wonder raising)

POINT
Of a jester, jesting free.
Proud position-
High ambition!

WILFRED
And a lively one I'll be,
Wag-a-wagging,
Never flagging!

POINT
Wag-a-wagging,

WILFRED
Never flagging,

POINT
Wag-a-wagging,

WILFRED
Never flagging,

BOTH
Never flagging,/Wag-a-wagging,
Wag-a-wagging,/Never flagging,
Never flagging,/Wag-a-wagging!

BOTH
Tell a tale of cock and bull,
Of convincing detail full
Tale tremendous,
Heav'n defend us!
What a tale of cock and bull!

POINT
What a tale of cock,

WILFRED
What a tale of bull!

POINT
What a tale of cock,

WILFRED
What a tale of bull!

BOTH
What a tale of cock and bull,
Cock and bull, cock and bull,
Heav'n defend us!
What a tale of cock and bull!

(Exeunt together.)

(Enter FAIRFAX)

FAIRFAX
Two days gone, and no news of poor Fairfax. The dolts!
They seek him everywhere save within a dozen yards of
his dungeon. So I am free! Free, but for the cursed
haste with which I hurried headlong into the bonds of
matrimony with- Heaven knows whom! As far as I
remember, she should have been young; but even had not
her face been concealed by her kerchief, I doubt
whether, in my then plight, I should have taken much
note of her. Free? Bah! The Tower bonds were but a
thread of silk compared with these conjugal fetters
which I, fool that I was, placed upon mine own hands.
From the one I broke readily enough- how to break the
other!

No. 16. Free from his fetters grim
(BALLAD)
Fairfax

FAIRFAX
Free from his fetters grim-
Free to depart;
Free both in life and limb-
In all but heart!
Bound to an unknown bride
For good and ill;
Ah, is not one so tied
A pris'ner still, a pris'ner still?
Ah, is not one so tied
A pris'ner still?
Free, yet in fetters held
Till his last hour,
Gyves that no smith can weld,
No rust devour!
Although a monarch's hand
Had set him free,
Of all the captive band
The saddest he, the saddest he!
Of all the captive band
The saddest, saddest he!

(Enter SERGEANT MERYLL)

FAIRFAX
Well, Sergeant Meryll,
and how fares thy pretty charge,Elsie Maynard?

MERYLL
Well enough, sir.
She is quite strong again, and leaves us to-night.

FAIRFAX
Thanks to Dame Carruthers' kind nursing, eh?

MERYLL
Aye, deuce take the old witch!
Ah, 'twas but a sorry trick you played me,
sir, to bring the fainting girl to me.
It gave the old lady an excuse for taking up
her quarters in my house, and for the last two years
I've shunned her like the plague.
Another day of it and she would have married me!
(Enter DAME CARRUTHERS and KATE)
Good Lord, here she is again! I'll e'en go.
(Going)

DAME
Nay, Sergeant Meryll, don't go.
I have something of grave import to say to thee.

MERYLL
(aside)
It's coming.

FAIRFAX
(laughing)
I'faith, I think I', not wanted here.
(Going)

DAME
Nay, Master Leonard, I've naught to say
to thy father that his son may not hear.

FAIRFAX
(aside)
True. I'm one of the family;
I had forgotten!

DAME
'Tis about this Elsie Maynard.
A pretty girl, Master Leonard.

FAIRFAX
Aye, fair as a peach blossom- what then?

DAME
She hath a liking for thee, or I mistake not.

FAIRFAX
With all my heart. She's as dainty a little amid
as you'll find in a midsummer day's march.

DAME
Then be warned in time, and give not thy heart to her.
Oh, I know what it is to give my heart
to one who will have none of it!

MERYLL
(aside)
Aye, she knows all about that.
(Aloud)
And why is my boy to take heed of her?
She's a good girl, Dame Carruthers.

DAME
Good enough, for aught I know. But she's no girl.
She's a married woman.

MERYLL
A married woman! Tush, old lady- she's promised to
Jack Point, the Lieutenant's new jester.

DAME
Tush in thy teeth, old man! As my niece Kate sat
by her bedside to-day, this Elsie slept,
and as she slept she moaned and groaned,
and turned this way and that way- and,
"How shall I marry one I have never seen?"
quoth she- then, "An hundred crowns!" quoth she- then,
"Is it certain he will die in an hour?" quoth she- then,
"I love him not, and yet I am his wife,"
quoth she! Is it not so, Kate?

KATE
Aye, aunt, 'tis even so.

FAIRFAX
Art thou sure of all this?

KATE
Aye, sir, for I wrote it all down on my tablets.

DAME
Now, mark my words: it was of this Fairfax she spake,
and he is her husband, or I'll swallow my kirtle!

MERYLL
(aside)
Is it true, sir?

FAIRFAX
(aside to MERYLL)
True? Why, the girl was raving!
(Aloud)
Why should she marry a man
who had but an hour to live?

DAME
Marry? There be those who would marry
but for a minute, rather than die old maids.

MERYLL
(aside)
Aye, I know one of them!

No. 17. Strange adventure!
(QUARTET)
Kate, Dame, Carruthers, Fairfax and Sergeant Meryll

ALL
Strange adventure! Maiden wedded
To a groom she's never seen-
Never, never, never seen!
Groom about to be beheaded,
In an hour on Tower Green!
Tower, Tower, Tower Green!
Groom in dreary dungeon lying,
Groom as good as dead, or dying,
For a pretty maiden sighing-
Pretty maid of seventeen!
Seven- seven- seventeen!
Strange adventure that we're trolling:
Modest maid and gallant groom-
Gallant, gallant, gallant groom!-
While the funeral bell is tolling,
Tolling, tolling, Bim-a-boom!
Bim-a, Bim-a, Bim-a-boom!
Modest maiden will not tarry;
Though but sixteen year she carry,
She must marry, she must marry,
Though the altar be a tomb-
Tower- Tower- Tower tomb!
Tower tomb! Tower tomb!
Though the altar be a tomb!
Tower, Tower, Tower tomb!

(Exeunt DAME CARRUTHERS, MERYLL, and KATE.)

FAIRFAX
So my mysterious bride is no other than this winsome Elsie!
By my hand, 'tis no such ill plunge in Fortune's lucky bag!
I might have fared worse with my eyes open! But she comes.
Now to test her principles. 'Tis not every husband
who has a chance of wooing his own wife!

(Enter ELSIE)

FAIRFAX
Mistress Elsie!

ELSIE
Master Leonard!

FAIRFAX
So thou leavest us to-night?

ELSIE
Yes. Master Leonard. I have been kindly tended,
and I almost fear I am loth to go.

FAIRFAX
And this Fairfax.
Wast thou glad when he escaped?

ELSIE
Why, truly, Master Leonard,
it is a sad thing that a young and gallant gentleman
should die in the very fullness of his life.

FAIRFAX
Then when thou didst faint in my arms,
it was for joy at his safety?

ELSIE
It may be so. I was highly wrought,
Master Leonard, and I am but a girl,
and so, when I an highly wrought, I faint.

FAIRFAX
Now, dost thou know,
I am consumed with a parlous jealousy?

ELSIE
Thou? And of whom?

FAIRFAX
Why, of this Fairfax, surely!

ELSIE
Of Colonel Fairfax?

FAIRFAX
Aye. Shall I be frank with thee?
Elsie- I love thee, ardently, passionately!
(ELSIE alarmed and surprised)
Elsie, I have loved thee these two days-
which is a long time-
and I would fain join my life to thine!

ELSIE
Master Leonard! Thou art jesting!

FAIRFAX
Jesting? May I shrivel into raisins if I jest!
I love thee with a love that is a fever-
with a love that is a frenzy- with a love
that eateth up my heart! What sayest thou?
Thou wilt not let my heart be eaten up?

ELSIE
(aside)
Oh, mercy! What am I to say?

FAIRFAX
Dost thou love me, or hast thou been
insensible these two days?

ELSIE
I love all brave men.

FAIRFAX
Nay, there is love in excess.
I thank heaven there are many brave men in England;
but if thou lovest them all, I withdraw my thanks.

ELSIE
I love the bravest best. But, sir, I may not listen-
I am not free- I- I am a wife!

FAIRFAX
Thou a wife? Whose? His name?
His hours are numbered-nay,
his grave is dug and his epitaph set up!
Come, his name?

ELSIE
Oh, sir! keep my secret- it is the only barrier
that Fate could set up between us.
My husband is none other than Colonel Fairfax!

FAIRFAX
The greatest villain unhung!
The most ill-favoured, ill-mannered,
ill-natured, ill-omened,
ill-tempered dog in Christendom!

ELSIE
It is very like. He is naught to me- for I never saw him.
I was blindfolded, and he was to have died within the hour;
and he did not die- and I am wedded to him, and my heart is broken!

FAIRFAX
He was to have died, and he did not die? The scoundrel!
The perjured, traitorous villain!
Thou shouldst have insisted on his dying first, to make sure.
'Tis the only way with these Fairfaxes.

ELSIE
I now wish I had!

FAIRFAX
(aside)
Bloodthirsty little maiden!
(Aloud)
A fig for this Fairfax! Be mine- he will never know-
he dares not show himself; and if he dare, what art thou to him?
Fly with me, Elsie- we will be married tomorrow,
and thou shalt be the happiest wife in England!

ELSIE
Master Leonard! I am amazed!
Is it thus that brave soldiers speak to poor girls?
Oh! for shame, for shame! I am wed- not the less because
I love not my husband. I am a wife, sir,
and I have a duty, and- oh, sir!- thy words terrify me-
they are not honest- they are wicked words,
and unworthy thy great and brave heart!
Oh,shame upon thee! shame upon thee!

FAIRFAX
Nay, Elsie, I did but jest. I spake but to try thee-

(Shot heard)

(Enter SERGEANT MERYLL hastily)

No. 18. Hark! What was that, sir?
(SCENE)
Elsie, Phoebe, Dame Carruthers, Fairfax.
Wilfred, Point, Lieutenant, Sergeant

MERYLL
Hark! What was that, sir?

FAIRFAX
Why, an arquebus-
Fired from the wharf, unless I much mistake.

MERYLL
Strange- and at such an hour! What can it mean!

(Enter CHORUS excitedly)

CHORUS
Now what can that have been-
A shot so late at night,
Enough to cause a fright!
What can the portent mean?
Are foemen in the land?
Is London to be wrecked?
What are we to expect?
What danger is at hand?
Let us understand
What danger is at hand!

(LIEUTENANT enters, also POINT and WILFRED)

LIEUTENANT
Who fired that shot? At once the truth declare?

WILFRED
My lord, 'twas I- to rashly judge forebear!

POINT
My lord, 'twas he- to rashly judge forebear!

WILFRED
Like a ghost his vigil keeping-

POINT
Or a spectre all-appalling-

WILFRED
I beheld a figure creeping-

POINT
I should rather call it crawling-

WILFRED
He was creeping-

POINT
He was crawling-

WILFRED
He was creeping, creeping-

POINT
Crawling!

WILFRED
He was creeping-

POINT
He was crawling-

WILFRED
He was creeping, creeping-

POINT
Crawling!

WILFRED
Not a moment's hesitation-
I myself upon him flung,
With a hurried exclamation
To his draperies I hung;
Then we closed with one another
In a rough-and-tumble smother;
Col'nel Fairfax and no other
Was the man to whom I clung!

ALL
Col'nel Fairfax and no other,
Was the man to whom he clung!

WILFRED
After mighty tug and tussle-

POINT
It resembled more a struggle-

WILFRED
He, by dint of stronger muscle-

POINT
Or by some infernal juggle-

WILFRED
From my clutches quickly sliding-

POINT
I should rather call it slipping-

WILFRED
With a view, no doubt, of hiding-

POINT
Or escaping to the shipping-

WILFRED
With a gasp, and with a quiver-

POINT
I'd describe it as a shiver-

WILFRED
Down he dived into the river,
And, alas, I cannot swim.

ALL
It's enough to make one shiver,
With a gasp, and with a quiver,
Down he dived into the river;
It was very brave of him!

WILFRED
Ingenuity is catching;
With the view my King of pleasing,
Arquebus from sentry snatching-

POINT
I should rather call it seizing-

WILFRED
With an ounce or two of lead
I dispatched him through the head!

ALL
With an ounce or two of lead
He dispatched him through the head!

WILFRED
I discharged it without winking,
Little time I lost in thinking,
Like a stone I saw him sinking-

POINT
I should say a lump of lead.

ALL
He discharged it without winking,
Little time he lost in thinking.

WILFRED
Like a stone I saw him sinking-

POINT
I should say a lump of lead.

WILFRED
Like a stone, my boy, I said-

POINT
Like a heavy lump of lead.

WILFRED
Like a stone, my boy, I said-

POINT
Like a heavy lump of lead.

WILFRED
Anyhow, the man is dead,
Whether stone or lump of lead!

ALL
Anyhow, the man is dead,
Whether stone or lump of lead!
Arquebus from sentry seizing,
With the view his King of pleasing,
Arquebus from sentry seizing,
With the view his King of pleasing,
Wilfred shot him through the head,
And he's very, very dead!
And it matters very little
Whether stone or lump of lead,
It is very, very certain that
he's very, very dead!

LIEUTENANT
The river must be dragged- no time be lost;
The body must be found, at any cost.
To this attend without undue delay;
So set to work with what dispatch ye may!

(Exit LIEUTENANT)

ALL
Yes, yes,
We'll set to work with what dispatch we may!

(Men raise WILFRED, and carry him off on their shoulders.)

ALL
Hail the valiant fellow who
Did this deed of derring-do!
Honours wait on such an one;
By my head, 'twas bravely done,
'twas bravely done!
Now, by my head, 'twas bravely done!

(Exeunt all but ELSIE, POINT, FAIRFAX, and PHOEBE.)

POINT
(to ELSIE, who is weeping)
Nay, sweetheart, be comforted.
This Fairfax was but a pestilent fellow,
and, as he had to die, he might
as well die thus as any other way.
'Twas a good death.

ELSIE
Still, he was my husband, and had he not been,
he was nevertheless a living man, and now he is dead;
and so, by your leave, my tears may flow unchidden, Master Point.

FAIRFAX
And thou didst see all this?

POINT
Aye, with both eyes at once- this and that.
The testimony of one eye is naught- he may lie.
But when it is corroborated by the other,
it is good evidence that none may gainsay.
Here are both present in court, ready to swear to him!

PHOEBE
But art thou sure it was Colonel Fairfax?
Saw you his face?

POINT
Aye, and a plaguey ill-favoured face too.
A very hang- dog face- a felon face- a face
to fright the headsman himself, and make him strike awry.
Oh, a plaguey, bad face, take my word for it.
(PHOEBE and FAIRFAX laugh)
How they laugh! "Tis ever thus with simple folk-
an accepted wit has but to say
"Pass the mustard," and they roar their ribs out!

FAIRFAX
(aside)
If ever I come to life again,
thou shalt pay for this, Master Point!

POINT
Now, Elsie, thou art free to choose again, so behold me:
I am young and well-favoured. I have a pretty wit.
I can jest you, jibe you, quip you,
crank you, wrack you, riddle you-

FAIRFAX
Tush, man, thou knowest not how to woo.
'Tis not to be done with time-worn jests
and thread-bare sophistries; with quips,
conundrums, rhymes, and paradoxes.
'Tis an art in itself, and must be studied
gravely and conscientiously.

No. 19. A man who would woo a fair maid
(TRIO)
Elsie, Phoebe, and Fairfax

FAIRFAX
A man who would woo a fair maid,
Should 'prentice himself to the trade;
And study all day,
In methodical way,
How to flatter, cajole, and persuade.
He should 'prentice himself at fourteen,
And practise from morning to e'en;
And when he's of age,
If he will, I'll engage,
He may capture the heart of a queen,
the heart of a queen!

ALL
It is purely a matter of skill,
Which all may attain if they will.
But every Jack
He must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill!
If he wants to make sure of his Jill!

ELSIE
If he's made the best use of his time,
His twig he'll so carefully lime
That every bird
Will come down at his word,
Whatever its plumage and clime.
He must learn that the thrill of a touch
May mean little, or nothing, or much;
It's an instrument rare,
To be handled with care,
And ought to be treated as such,
Ought to be treated as such.

ALL
It is purely a matter of skill,
Which all may attain if they will:
But every Jack,
He must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill!
If he wants to make sure of his Jill!

PHOEBE
Then a glance may be timid or free;
It will vary in mighty degree,
From an impudent stare
To a look of despair
That no maid without pity can see!
And a glance of despair is no guide-
It may have its ridiculous side;
It may draw you a tear
Or a box on the ear;
You can never be sure till you've tried!
Never be sure till you've tried!

ALL
It is purely a matter of skill,
Which all may attain if they will:
But every Jack,
He must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill,
If he wants to make sure of his Jill!
But every Jack,
He must study the knack,
But every Jack,
Must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill!
Yes, every Jack,
Must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill!

FAIRFAX
(aside to POINT)
Now, listen to me- 'tis done thus-
(aloud)
Mistress Elsie, there is one here who,
as thou knowest, loves thee right well!

POINT
(aside)
That he does- right well!

FAIRFAX
He is but a man of poor estate, but he hath a loving, honest heart.
He will be a true and trusty husband to thee,
and if thou wilt be his wife, thou shalt lie curled up
in his heart, like a little squirrel in its nest!

POINT
(aside)
'Tis a pretty figure.
A maggot in a nut lies closer,
but a squirrel will do.

FAIRFAX
He knoweth that thou wast a wife- an unloved
and unloving wife, and his poor heart was near to breaking.
But now that thine unloving husband is dead,
and thou art free, he would fain pray
that thou wouldst hearken unto him,
and give him hope that thou wouldst one day be his!

PHOEBE
(alarmed)
He presses her hands- and whispers in her ear!
Ods bodikins, what does it mean?

FAIRFAX
Now, sweetheart, tell me- wilt thou
be this poor goodfellow's wife?

ELSIE
If the good, brave man- is he a brave man?

FAIRFAX
So men say.

POINT
(aside)
That's not true, but let it pass.

ELSIE
If the brave man will be content
with a poor, penniless, untaught maid-

POINT
(aside)
Widow- but let that pass.

ELSIE
I will be his true and loving wife,
and that with my heart of hearts!

FAIRFAX
My own dear love!
(Embracing her)

PHOEBE
(in great agitation)
Why, what's all this?
Brother- brother- it is not seemly!

POINT
(also alarmed, aside)
Oh, I can't let that pass!
(Aloud)
Hold, enough, Master Leonard!
An advocate should have his fee,
but methinks thou art over-paying thyself!

FAIRFAX
Nay, that is for Elsie to say. I promised thee
I would show thee how to woo,
and herein lies the proof of the virtue of my teaching.
Go thou, and apply it elsewhere!
(PHOEBE bursts into tears)

No. 20. When a wooer goes a-wooing
(QUARTET)
Elsie, Phoebe, Fairfax, and Point

ELSIE
When a wooer Goes a-wooing,
Naught is truer Than his joy.

FAIRFAX
Maiden hushing All his suing-
Boldly blushing, bravely coy!
Bravely coy! Boldly blushing-

ELSIE
Boldly blushing, bravely coy!

ALL
Oh, the happy days of doing!
Oh, the sighing and the suing!
When a wooer goes a-wooing,
Oh the sweets that never cloy!

PHOEBE
(weeping)
When a brother leaves his sister
For another, sister weeps,
Tears that trickle,
Tears that blister-
'Tis but mickle Sister reaps!

ALL
Oh, the doing and undoing,
Oh, the sighing and the suing,
When a brother goes a-wooing,
And a sobbing sister weeps!

POINT
When a jester Is outwitted,
Feelings fester, Heart is lead!
Food for fishes Only fitted,
Jester wishes He was dead!
Food for fishes Only fitted,
Jester wishes He was dead!

ALL
Oh, the doing and undoing,
Oh, the sighing and the suing,
When a jester goes a-wooing,
And he wishes he was dead!
Oh, the doing and undoing,
Oh, the sighing and the suing,
When a jester goes a-wooing,
And he wishes he was dead,
And he wishes he was dead!

(Exeunt all but PHOEBE, who remains weeping.

PHOEBE
And I helped that man to escape,
and I've kept his secret, and pretended
that I was his dearly loving sister,
and done everything I could think
of to make folk believe I was his loving sister,
and this is his gratitude!
Before I pretend to be sister to anybody again,
I'll turn nun, and be sister
to everybody- one as much as another!

(Enter WILFRED)

WILFRED
In tears, eh? What a plague art
thou grizzling for now?

PHOEBE
Why am I grizzling?
Thou hast often wept for jealousy- well,
'tis for jealousy I weep now.
Aye, yellow, bilious, jaundiced jealousy.
So make the most of that, Master Wilfred.

WILFRED
But I have never given thee cause for jealousy.
The Lieutenant's cook-maid and I are but the merest gossips!

PHOEBE
Jealous of thee! Bah! I'm jealous of no craven cock-
on-a-hill, who crows about what he'd do an he dared!
I am jealous of another and a better man than thou-
set that down, Master Wilfred. And he is to marry
Elsie Maynard, the pale little fool- set that down
Master Wilfred- and my heart is wellnigh broken!
There, thou hast it all! Make the most of it!

WILFRED
The man thou lovest is to marry Elsie Maynard?
Why, that is no other than thy brother, Leonard Meryll!

PHOEBE
(aside)
Oh, mercy! what have I said?

WILFRED
Why, what matter of brother is this, thou lying little jade?
Speak! Who is this man whom thou hast called brother,
and fondled, and coddled, and kissed!-
with my connivance, too! Oh Lord! with my connivance!
Ha! should it be this Fairfax!
(PHOEBE starts)
It is! It is this accursed Fairfax!
It's Fairfax! Fairfax, who-

PHOEBE
Whom thou hast just shot through the head,
and who lies at the bottom of the river!

WILFRED
A- I- I may have been mistaken.
We are but fallible mortals, the best of us.
But I'll make sure- I'll make sure.
(Going)

PHOEBE
Stay- one word. I think it cannot be Fairfax- mind,
I say I think- because thou hast just slain Fairfax.
But whether he be Fairfax or no Fairfax,
he is to marry Elsie- and- and- as thou hast shot him
through the head, and he is dead,
be content with that, and I will be thy wife!

WILFRED
Is that sure?

PHOEBE
Aye, sure enough, for there's no help for it!
Thou art a very brute- but even
brutes must marry, I suppose.

WILFRED
My beloved.
(Embraces her)

PHOEBE
(aside)
Ugh!

(Enter LEONARD MERYLL, hastily)

LEONARD
Phoebe, rejoice, for I bring glad tidings.
Colonel Fairfax's reprieve was signed two days since,
but it was foully and maliciously kept back
by Secretary Poltwhistle, who designed that it should arrive
after the Colonel's death. It hath just come to hand,
and it is now in the Lieutenant's possession!

PHOEBE
Then the Colonel is free?
Oh, kiss me, kiss me, my dear!
Kiss me, again, and again!

WILFRED
(dancing with fury)
Ods bobs, death o' my life! Art thou mad?
Am I mad? Are we all mad?

PHOEBE
Oh, my dear- my dear, I'm well nigh crazed with joy!
(Kissing LEONARD)

WILFRED
Come away from him, thou hussy- thou jade- thou kissing,
clinging cockatrice! And as for thee, sir, devil take thee,
I'll rip thee like a herring for this! I'll skin thee for it!
I'll cleave thee to the chine! I'll- oh!
Phoebe! Phoebe! Who is this man?

PHOEBE
Peace, fool. He is my brother!

WILFRED
Another brother! Are there any more of them?
Produce them all at once, and let me know the worst!

PHOEBE
This is the real Leonard, dolt; the other was but his substitute.
The real Leonard, I say- my father's own son.

WILFRED
How do I know this? Has he "brother" writ large on his brow?
I mistrust thy brothers! Thou art but a false jade!

(Exit LEONARD.)

PHOEBE
Now, Wilfred, be just. Truly I did deceive thee before-
but it was to save a precious life- and to save it,
not for me, but for another. They are to be wed this very day.
Is not this enough for thee? Come- I am thy Phoebe- thy very own-
and we will be wed in a year- or two- or three, at the most.
Is not that enough for thee?

(Enter SERGEANT MERYLL, excitedly,
followed by DAME CARRUTHERS,
who listens, unobserved.)

MERYLL
Phoebe, hast thou heard the brave news?

PHOEBE
(still in WILFRED's arms)
Aye, father.

MERYLL
I'm nigh mad with joy!
(Seeing WILFRED)
Why, what's all this?

PHOEBE
Oh, father, he discovered our secret thorough my folly,
and the price of his silence is-

WILFRED
Phoebe's heart.

PHOEBE
Oh, dear, no- Phoebe's hand.

WILFRED
It's the same thing!

PHOEBE
Is it?

(Exeunt WILFRED and PHOEBE.)

MERYLL
(looking after them)
"Tis pity, but the Colonel had to be saved at any cost,
and as thy folly revealed our secret,
thy folly must e'en suffer for it!
(DAME CARRUTHERS comes down)
Dame Carruthers!

DAME
So this is a plot to shield this arch-fiend,
and I have detected it.
A word from me, and three heads besides
his would roll from their shoulders!

MERYLL
Nay, Colonel Fairfax is reprieved.
(Aside)
Yet, if my complicity in his escape were known!
Plague on the old meddler! There's nothing for it-
(aloud)
- Hush, pretty one! Such bloodthirsty words ill
become those cherry lips!
(Aside)
Ugh!

DAME
(bashfully)
Sergeant Meryll!

MERYLL
Why, look ye, chuck- for many a month I've-
I've thought to myself- "There's snug love saving
up in that middle-aged bosom for some one,
and why not for thee-
that's me- so take heart and tell her-
that's thee- that thou-
that's me- lovest her- thee- and-
and- well,I'm a miserable old man,
and I've done it- and that's me!"
But not a word about Fairfax!
The price of thy silence is-

DAME
Meryll's heart?

MERYLL
No, Meryll's hand.

DAME
It's the same thing!

MERYLL
Is it?

No. 21. Rapture, rapture
(DUET)
Dame Carruthers and Sergeant Meryll

DAME
Rapture, rapture
When love's votary,
Flushed with capture,
Seeks the notary,
Joy and jollity
Then is polity;
Reigns frivolity!
Rapture, rapture!
Joy and jollity
Then is polity;
Reigns frivolity!
Rapture, rapture!

MERYLL
Doleful, doleful!
When humanity
With its soul full
Of satanity,
Courting privity,
Down declivity
Seeks captivity!
Doleful, doleful!
Courting privity,
Down declivity
Seeks captivity!
Doleful, doleful!

DAME
Joyful, joyful!
When virginity
Seeks, all coyful,
Man's affinity;
Fate all flowery,
Bright and bowery,
Is her dowery!
Joyful, joyful!
Fate all flowery,
Bright and bowery,
Is her dowery!
Joyful, joyful!

MERYLL
Ghastly, ghastly!
When man, sorrowful,
Firstly, lastly,
Of to-morrow full,
After tarrying,
Yields to harrying-
Goes a-marrying.
Ghastly, ghastly!

DAME
Joyful, joyful!

MERYLL
Ghastly, ghastly!

DAME
Joyful, joyful!

MERYLL
Ghastly, ghastly!

DAME and MERYLL
Joyful, joyful!
Joyful, joyful, joyful!
Rapture, rapture
When love's votary,
Flushed with capture,
Seeks the notary,
Joy and jollity
Then is polity;
Reigns frivolity!
Rapture, rapture!
Joy and jollity
Then is polity;
Reigns frivolity!
Rapture, rapture!
Rapture, rapture!
Rapture, rapture,
Rapture, rapture!
Joy and jollity
Then is polity;
Reigns frivolity!
Rapture, rapture

(Exeunt DAME and SERGEANT MERYLL.)

No. 22. Comes the pretty young bride
(FINALE OF ACT II)
Ensemble

(Enter YEOMEN and WOMEN)

WOMEN
Comes the pretty young bride,
a-blushing, timidly shrinking-
Set all thy fears aside-
cheerily, pretty young bride!
Brave is the youth to whom thy lot
thou art willingly linking!
Flower of valour he-
loving as loving can be!
Brightly thy summer is shining,
Brightly thy summer is shining,
Fair as the dawn, as the dawn of the day;
Take him, be true to him-
Tender his due to him-
Honour him, honour him, love and obey!

(Enter DAME, PHOEBE, and ELSIE as Bride)

PHOEBE, ELSIE & DAME
'Tis said that joy in full perfection
Comes only once to womankind-
That, other times, on close inspection,
Some lurking bitter we shall find.
If this be so, and men say truly,
My day of joy has broken duly
With happiness my/her soul is cloyed-
With happiness is cloyed-
With happiness my/her soul is cloyed-
This is my/her joy-day
unalloyed, unalloyed,
This is my/her joy-day unalloyed!

ALL
Yes, yes, with happiness her soul is cloyed!
This is her joy-day unalloyed!

(Flourish. Enter LIEUTENANT)

LIEUTENANT
Hold, pretty one! I bring to thee
News- good or ill, it is for thee to say.
Thy husband lives- and he is free,
And comes to claim his bride this very day!

ELSIE
No! No! recall those words- it cannot be!

(all four blocks below sung at once)

KATE, CHORUS, DAME CARRUTHERS and PHOEBE
Oh, day of terror!
Oh, day of terror!
Day of terror!
Day of tears!
Day of terror!
Day of tears!
Who is the man who,
In his pride,
Claims thee as his bride?
Day of terror!
Day of tears!

LIEUTENANT, MERYLL, WILFRED and ELSIE
Come, dry these unbecoming tears,
Most joyful tidings greet
thine ears,
Come, dry these unbecoming tears,
Most joyful tidings greet
thine ears,
The man to whom thou art allied
Appears to claim thee
as his bride.
The man to whom thou art allied
Appears to claim thee
as his bride.

(Flourish. Enter COLONEL FAIRFAX,
handsomely dressed, and attended by other Gentlemen)

FAIRFAX
(sternly)
All thought of Leonard
Meryll set aside.
Thou art mine own! I claim thee as my bride.

ALL
Thou art his own!
Alas! he claims thee as his bride.

ELSIE
A suppliant at thy feet I fall;
Thine heart will yield to pity's call!

FAIRFAX
Mine is a heart of massive rock,
Unmoved by sentimental shock!

ALL
Thy husband he!

ELSIE
(aside)
Leonard, my loved one- come to me.
They bear me hence away!
But though they take me far from thee,
My heart is thine for aye!
My bruised heart,
My broken heart,
Is thine, my own, for aye!
Is thine, is thine, my own,
Is thine, for aye!

ELSIE
(To FAIRFAX)
Sir, I obey!
I am thy bride;
But ere the fatal hour
I said the say
That placed me in thy pow'r
Would I had died!
Sir, I obey!
I am thy bride!
(Looks up and recognizes FAIRFAX)
Leonard!

FAIRFAX
My own!

ELSIE
Ah!
(Embrace)

ELSIE & FAIRFAX
With happiness my soul is cloyed,
This is our joy-day unalloyed!

ALL
Yes, yes!
With happiness their souls are cloyed,
This is their joy-day unalloyed!
With happiness their souls are cloyed,
This is their joy-day unalloyed,
Their joy-day unalloyed, unalloyed!

(Enter JACK POINT)

POINT
Oh, thoughtless crew!
Ye know not what ye do!
Attend to me, and shed a tear or two-
For I have a song to sing, O!

ALL
Sing me your song, O!

POINT
It is sung to the moon
By a love-lorn loon,
Who fled from the mocking throng, O!
It's a song of a merryman, moping mum,
Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum,
Who sipped no sup, and who craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye.

ALL
Heighdy! heighdy!
Misery me-lack-a-day-dee!
He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!

ELSIE
I have a song to sing, O!

ALL
What is your song, O!

ELSIE
It is sung with the ring
Of the songs maids sing
Who love with a love life-long, O!
It's the song of a merrymaid, peerly proud,
(optional- nestling near,)
Who loved her lord, and who laughed aloud
(optional- but dropped a tear)
At the moan of the merryman, moping mum,
Whose soul was sad, and whose glance was glum,
Who sipped no sup, and who craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!

ALL
Heighdy! heighdy!
Misery me-lack-a-day-dee!
He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!
Heighdy! heighdy!
Misery me-lack-a-day-dee!
He sipped no sup, and he craved no crumb,
As he sighed for the love of a ladye!
Heighdy! heighdy!
Heighdy! heighdy!
Heighdy! heighdy!

(FAIRFAX embraces ELSIE as POINT falls insensible at their feet.)



ACT I