The Gondoliers
or:
The King of Barataria
Libretto by William S. Gilbert
Music by Arthur S. Sullivan
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
THE DUKE OF PLAZA-TORO (a Grandee of Spain)
LUIZ (his attendant)
DON ALHAMBRA DEL BOLERO (the Grand Inquisitioner)
Venetian Gondoliers:
MARCO PALMIERI
GIUSEPPE PALMIERI
ANTONIO
FRANCESCO
GIORGIO
ANNIBALE
THE DUCHESS OF PLAZA-TORO
CASILDA (her Daughter)
Contadine:
GIANETTA
TESSA
FIAMETTA
VITTORIA
GIULIA
INEZ (the King's Foster-mother)
Chorus of Gondoliers and Contadine, Men-at-Arms, Heralds and Pages
(An interval of three months is supposed to elapse between Acts I and II)
DATE 1750
ACT I
ACT II
ACT I
Scene.- the Piazzetta, Venice. The Ducal Palace on the right.
Fiametta, Giulia, Vittoria, and other Contadine discovered,
each tying a bouquet of roses.
CHORUS OF CONTADINE.
List and learn, ye dainty roses,
Roses white and roses red,
Why we bind you into posies
Ere your morning bloom has fled.
By a law of maiden's making,
Accents of a heart that's aching,
Even though that heart be breaking,
Should by maiden be unsaid:
Though they love with love exceeding,
They must seem to be unheeding-
Go ye then and do their pleading,
Roses white and roses red!
FIAMETTA.
Two there are for whom in duty,
Every maid in Venice sighs-
Two so peerless in their beauty
That they shame the summer skies.
We have hearts for them, in plenty,
They have hearts, but all too few,
We, alas, are four-and-twenty!
They, alas, are only two!
We, alas!
CHORUS.
Alas!
FIAMETTA
Are four-and-twenty,
They, alas!
CHORUS.
Alas!
FIAMETTA
Are only two.
CHORUS.
They, alas, are only two, alas!
Now ye know, ye dainty roses,
Roses white and roses red,
Why we bind you into posies,
Ere your morning bloom has fled,
Roses white and roses red!
(During this chorus Antonio, Francesco, Giorgio,
and other Gondoliers have entered unobserved
by the Girls-at first two, then two more, then four,
then half a dozen, then the remainder of the Chorus.)
SOLI.
FRANCESCO
Good morrow, pretty maids; for whom prepare ye
These floral tributes extraordinary?
FIAMETTA
For Marco and Giuseppe Palmieri,
The pink and flower of all the Gondolieri.
GIUSEPPE
They're coming here, as we have heard but lately,
To choose two brides from us who sit sedately.
ANTONIO
Do all you maidens love them?
ALL
Passionately!
ANTONIO
These gondoliers are to be envied greatly!
GIORGIO
But what of us, who one and all adore you?
Have pity on our passion, we implore you!
FIAMETTA
These gentlemen must make their choice before you;
VITTORIA
In the meantime we tacitly ignore you.
GIUSEPPE
When they have chosen two that leaves you plenty-
Two dozen we, and ye are four-and-twenty.
FIAMETTA and VITTORIA
Till then, enjoy your dolce far niente.
ANTONIO
With pleasure, nobody contradicente!
SONG-ANTONIO and CHORUS.
For the merriest fellows are we, tra la,
That ply on the emerald sea, tra la;
With loving and laughing,
And quipping and quaffing,
We're happy as happy can be, tra la-
With loving and laughing, etc.
With sorrow we've nothing to do, tra la,
And care is a thing to pooh-pooh, tra la;
And Jealousy yellow,
Unfortunate fellow,
We drown in the shimmering blue, tra la-
And Jealousy yellow, etc.
FIAMETTA
(looking off).
See, see, at last they come to make their choice-
Let us acclaim them with united voice.
(Marco and Giuseppe appear in gondola at back.)
CHORUS
(Girls).
Hail, hail! gallant gondolieri, ben venuti!
Accept our love, our homage, and our duty.
Ben' venuti! ben' venuti!
(Marco and Giuseppe jump ashore-the Girls salute them.)
DUET, MARCO and GIUSEPPE, with CHORUS OF GIRLS.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Buon' giorno, signorine!
GIRLS.
Gondolieri carissimi!
Siamo contadine!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
(bowing).
Servitori umilissimi!
Per chi questi fiori-
Questi fiori bellissimi?
GIRLS.
Per voi, bei signori
O eccellentissimi!
(The Girls present their bouquets to Marco and Giuseppe,
who are overwhelmed with them, and carry them with difficulty.)
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
(their arms full of flowers).
O ciel'! O ciel'!
GIRLS.
Buon' giorno, cavalieri!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
(deprecatingly).
Siamo gondolieri.
(To Fia. and Vit.)
Signorina, io t' amo!
GIRLS.
(deprecatingly).
Contadine siamo.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Signorine!
GIRLS
(deprecatingly).
Contadine!
(Curtseying to Mar. and Giu.)
Cavalieri.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
(deprecatingly).
Gondolieri!
Poveri gondolieri!
CHORUS.
Buon' giorno, signorine, etc.
DUET, MARCO and GIUSEPPE.
We're called gondolieri,
But that's a vagary,
It's quite honorary
The trade that we ply.
For gallantry noted
Since we were short-coated,
To beauty devoted,
Giuseppe\Are Marco and I;
When morning is breaking,
Our couches forsaking,
To greet their awaking
With carols we come.
At summer day's nooning,
When weary lagooning,
Our mandolins tuning,
We lazily thrum.
When vespers are ringing,
To hope ever clinging,
With songs of our singing
A vigil we keep,
When daylight is fading,
Enwrapt in night's shading,
With soft serenading
We sing them to sleep.
We're called gondolieri, etc.
RECITATIVE-MARCO and GIUSEPPE.
MARCO
And now to choose our brides!
GIUSEPPE
As all are young and fair,
And amiable besides,
BOTH.
We really do not care
A preference to declare.
MARCO
A bias to disclose
Would be indelicate-
GIUSEPPE
And therefore we propose
To let impartial Fate
Select for us a mate!
ALL
Viva!
GIRLS.
A bias to disclose
Would be indelicate-
MEN.
But how do they propose
To let impartial Fate
Select for them a mate?
GIUSEPPE
These handkerchiefs upon our eyes be good enough to bind,
MARCO
And take good care that both of us are absolutely blind;
BOTH.
Then turn us round-and we, with all convenient despatch,
Will undertake to marry any two of you we catch!
ALL
Viva!
They undertake to marry any two of us\them they catch!
(The Girls prepare to bind their eyes as directed.)
FIAMETTA
(to Marco).
Are you peeping?
Can you see me?
MARCO
Dark I'm keeping,
Dark and dreamy!
(Marco slyly lifts bandage.)
VITTORIA
(to Giuseppe).
If you're blinded
Truly, say so
GIUSEPPE
All right-minded
Players play so!
(slyly lifts bandage).
FIAMETTA
(detecting Marco).
Conduct shady!
They are cheating!
Surely they de-
Serve a beating!
(replaces bandage).
VITTORIA
(detecting Giuseppe).
This too much is;
Maidens mocking-
Conduct such is
Truly shocking!
(replaces bandage).
ALL
You can spy, sir!
Shut your eye, sir!
You may use it by and by, sir!
You can see, sir!
Don't tell me, sir!
That will do-now let it be, sir!
CHORUS OF GIRLS.
My papa he keeps three horses,
Black, and white, and dapple grey, sir;
Turn three times, then take your courses,
Catch whichever girl you may, sir!
CHORUS OF MEN.
My papa, etc.
(Marco and Giuseppe turn round, as directed, and try to catch the girls.
Business of blind-man's buff. Eventually Marco catches Gianetta,
and Giuseppe catches Tessa. The two girls try to escape, but in vain.
The two men pass their hands over the girls' faces to discover their identity.)
GIUSEPPE
I've at length achieved a capture!
(Guessing.)
This is Tessa!
(removes bandage).
Rapture, rapture!
CHORUS.
Rapture, rapture!
MARCO
(guessing).
To me Gianetta fate has granted!
(removes bandage).
Just the very girl I wanted!
CHORUS.
Just the very girl he wanted!
GIUSEPPE
(politely to Mar.).
If you'd rather change-
TESSA
My goodness!
This indeed is simple rudeness.
MARCO
(politely to Giu.).
I've no preference whatever-
GIANETTA
Listen to him! Well, I never!
(Each man kisses each girl.)
GIANETTA
Thank you, gallant gondolieri!
In a set and formal measure
It is scarcely necessary
To express our pleasure.
Each of us to prove a treasure,
Conjugal and monetary,
Gladly will devote our leisure,
Gay and gallant gondolieri.
Tra, la, la, la, la, la, etc.
TESSA
Gay and gallant gondolieri,
Take us both and hold us tightly,
You have luck extraordinary;
We might both have been unsightly!
If we judge your conduct rightly,
'Twas a choice involuntary;
Still we thank you most politely,
Gay and gallant gondolieri!
Tra, la, la, la, la, la, etc.
CHORUS
Thank you, gallant gondolieri;
GIRLS.
In a set and formal measure,
It is scarcely necessary
To express our pleasure.
Each of us to prove a treasure
Gladly will devote our leisure,
Gay and gallant gondolieri!
Tra, la, la, la, la, la, etc.
ALL
Fate in this has put his finger-
Let us bow to Fate's decree,
Then no longer let us linger,
To the altar hurry we!
(They all dance off two and two-Gianetta
with Marco, Tessa with Giuseppe.)
(Flourish. A gondola arrives at the Piazzetta steps,
from which enter the Duke of Plaza-toro, the Duchess,
their daughter Casilda, and their attendant Luiz, who carries a drum.
All are dressed in pompous but old and faded clothes.)
(Entrance of Duke, Duchess, Casilda, and Luiz.)
DUKE
From the sunny Spanish shore,
The Duke of Plaza-Tor!-
DUCHESS
And His Grace's Duchess true-
CASILDA
And His Grace's daughter, too-
LUIZ
And His Grace's private drum
To Venetia's shores have come:
ALL
If ever, ever, ever
They get back to Spain,
They will never, never, never
Cross the sea again-
DUKE
Neither that Grandee from the Spanish shore,
The noble Duke of Plaza-Tor'-
DUCHESS
Nor His Grace's Duchess, staunch and true-
CASILDA
You may add, His Grace's daughter, too-
LUIZ
Nor His Grace's own particular drum
To Venetia's shores will come:
ALL
If ever, ever, ever
They get back to Spain,
They will never, never, never
Cross the sea again!
DUKE
At last we have arrived at our destination.
This is the Ducal Palace, and it is here that the Grand Inquisitor resides.
As a Castilian hidalgo of ninety-five quarterings, I regret that I am unable
to pay my state visit on a horse. As a Castilian hidalgo of that description,
I should have preferred to ride through the streets of Venice;
but owing, I presume, to an unusually wet season,
the streets are in such a condition that equestrian exercise is impracticable.
No matter. Where is our suite?
LUIZ
(coming forward).
Your Grace, I am here.
DUCHESS
Why do you not do yourself the honour
to kneel when you address His Grace?
DUKE
My love, it is so small a matter!
(To Luiz.)
Still, you may as well do it.
(Luiz kneels.)
CASILDA
The young man seems to entertain but an imperfect appreciation
of the respect due from a menial to a Castilian hidalgo.
DUKE
My child, you are hard upon our suite.
CASILDA
Papa, I've no patience with the presumption
of persons in his plebeian position.
If he does not appreciate that position,
let him be whipped until he does.
DUKE
Let us hope the omission was not intended as a slight.
I should be much hurt if I thought it was. So would he.
(To Luiz.)
Where are the halberdiers who were to have had
the honour of meeting us here, that our visit to the Grand Inquisitor
might be made in becoming state?
LUIZ
Your Grace, the halberdiers are mercenary people
who stipulated for a trifle on account.
DUKE
How tiresome! Well, let us hope
the Grand Inquisitor is a blind gentleman.
And the band who were to have had the honour of escorting us?
I see no band!
LUIZ
Your Grace, the band are sordid persons
who required to be paid in advance.
DUCHESS
That's so like a band!
DUKE
(annoyed).
Insuperable difficulties meet me at every turn!
DUCHESS
But surely they know His Grace?
LUIZ
Exactly-they know His Grace.
DUKE
Well, let us hope that the Grand Inquisitor is a deaf gentleman.
A cornet-a-piston would be something.
You do not happen to possess the accomplishment
of tootling like a cornet-a-piston?
LUIZ
Alas, no, Your Grace! But I can imitate a farmyard.
DUKE
(doubtfully).
I don't see how that would help us.
I don't see how we could bring it in.
CASILDA
It would not help us in the least.
We are not a parcel of graziers come to market, dolt!
(Luiz rises.)
DUKE
My love, our suite's feelings!
(To Luiz.)
Be so good as to ring the bell and inform
the Grand Inquisitor that his Grace the Duke of Plaza-Toro,
Count Matadoro, Baron Picadoro-
DUCHESS
And suite-
DUKE
And suite-have arrived at Venice, and seek-
CASILDA
Desire-
DUCHESS
Demand!
DUKE
And demand an audience.
LUIZ
Your Grace has but to command.
DUKE
(much moved).
I felt sure of it-I felt sure of it!
(Exit Luiz into Ducal Palace.)
And now, my love-
(aside to Duchess)
Shall we tell her? I think so-
(aloud to Casilda)
And now, my love, prepare for a magnificent surprise.
It is my agreeable duty to reveal to you a secret
which should make you the happiest young lady in Venice!
CASILDA
A secret?
DUCHESS
A secret which, for State reasons,
it has been necessary to preserve for twenty years.
DUKE
When you were a prattling babe of six months old
you were married by proxy to no less a personage
than the infant son and heir of His Majesty
the immeasurably wealthy King of Barataria!
CASILDA
Married to the infant son
of the King of Barataria? Was I consulted?
(Duke shakes his head.)
Then it was a most unpardonable liberty!
DUKE
Consider his extreme youth and forgive him.
Shortly after the ceremony that misguided monarch
abandoned the creed of his forefathers,
and became a Wesleyan Methodist
of the most bigoted and persecuting type.
The Grand Inquisitor, determined that the innovation
should not be perpetuated in Barataria,
caused your smiling and unconscious husband
to be stolen and conveyed to Venice.
A fortnight since the Methodist Monarch
and all his Wesleyan Court were killed in an insurrection,
and we are here to ascertain the whereabouts of your husband,
and to hail you, our daughter, as Her Majesty,
the reigning Queen of Barataria!
(Kneels.)
(During this speech Luiz re-enters.)
DUCHESS
Your Majesty!
(Kneels.)
(Drum roll.)
DUKE
It is at such moments as these that one feels
how necessary it is to travel with a full band.
CASILDA
I, the Queen of Barataria! But I've nothing to wear!
We are practically penniless!
DUKE
That point has not escaped me.
Although I am unhappily in straitened circumstances at present,
my social influence is something enormous;
and a Company, to be called the Duke of Plaza-Toro,
Limited, is in course of formation to work me.
An influential directorate has been secured,
and I shall myself join the Board after allotment.
CASILDA
Am I to understand that the Queen of Barataria
may be called upon at any time to witness
her honoured sire in process of liquidation?
DUCHESS
The speculation is not exempt from that drawback.
If your father should stop, it will, of course,
be necessary to wind him up.
CASILDA
But it's so undignified-it's so degrading!
A Grandee of Spain turned into a public company!
Such a thing was never heard of!
DUKE
My child, the Duke of Plaza-Toro does not follow
fashions-he leads them. He always leads everybody.
When he was in the army he led his regiment.
He occasionally led them into action.
He invariably led them out of it.
SONG-DUKE OF PLAZA-TORO.
In enterprise of martial kind,
When there was any fighting,
He led his regiment from behind-
He found it less exciting.
But when away his regiment ran,
His place was at the fore, O-
That celebrated,
Cultivated,
Underrated
Nobleman,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
ALL
In the first and foremost flight, ha, ha!
You always found that knight, ha, ha!
That celebrated,
Cultivated,
Underrated
Nobleman,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
DUKE
When, to evade Destruction's hand,
To hide they all proceeded,
No soldier in that gallant band
Hid half as well as he did.
He lay concealed throughout the war,
And so preserved his gore, O!
That unaffected,
Undetected,
Well-connected
Warrior,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
ALL
In every doughty deed, ha, ha!
He always took the lead, ha, ha!
That unaffected,
Undetected,
Well-connected
Warrior,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
DUKE
When told that they would all be shot
Unless they left the service,
That hero hesitated not,
So marvellous his nerve is.
He sent his resignation in,
The first of all his corps, O!
That very knowing,
Overflowing,
Easy-going
Paladin,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
ALL
To men of grosser clay, ha, ha!
He always showed the way, ha, ha!
That very knowing,
Overflowing,
Easy-going
Paladin,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
(Exeunt Duke and Duchess into Grand Ducal Palace.
As soon as they have disappeared,
Luiz and Casilda rush to each other's arms.)
RECITATIVE AND DUET-CASILDA AND LUIZ
O rapture, when alone together
Two loving hearts and those that bear them
May join in temporary tether,
Though Fate apart should rudely tear them.
CASILDA
Necessity, Invention's mother,
Compelled me to a course of feigning-
But, left alone with one another,
I will atone for my disdaining!
AIR
CASILDA
Ah, well-beloved,
Mine angry frown
Is but a gown
That serves to dress
My gentleness!
LUIZ
Ah, well-beloved,
Thy cold disdain,
It gives no pain-
'Tis mercy, played
In masquerade!
BOTH.
Ah, well-beloved, etc.
CASILDA
O Luiz, Luiz-what have you said?
What have I done?
What have I allowed you to do?
LUIZ
Nothing, I trust, that you will
ever have reason to repent.
(Offering to embrace her.)
CASILDA
(withdrawing from him).
Nay, Luiz, it may not be.
I have embraced you for the last time.
LUIZ
(amazed).
Casilda!
CASILDA
I have just learnt, to my surprise and indignation,
that I was wed in babyhood
to the infant son of the King of Barataria!
LUIZ
The son of the King of Barataria?
The child who was stolen in infancy by the Inquisition?
CASILDA
The same. But, of course, you know his story.
LUIZ
Know his story? Why, I have often told you
that my mother was the nurse to whose charge he was entrusted!
CASILDA
True. I had forgotten. Well, he has been discovered,
and my father has brought me here to claim his hand.
LUIZ
But you will not recognize this marriage?
It took place when you were too young to understand its import.
CASILDA
Nay, Luiz, respect my principles
and cease to torture me with vain entreaties.
Henceforth my life is another's.
LUIZ
But stay-the present and the future-they are another's;
but the past-that at least is ours, and none can take it from us.
As we may revel in naught else, let us revel in that!
CASILDA
I don't think I grasp your meaning.
LUIZ
Yet it is logical enough. You say you cease to love me?
CASILDA
(demurely).
I say I may not love you.
LUIZ
Ah, but you do not say you did not love me?
CASILDA
I loved you with a frenzy that words are powerless
to express-and that but ten brief minutes since!
LUIZ
Exactly. My own-that is, until ten minutes since,
my own-my lately loved, my recently adored-tell me that until,
say a quarter of an hour ago, I was all in all to thee!
(Embracing her.)
CASILDA
I see your idea. It's ingenious, but don't do that.
(Releasing herself.)
LUIZ
There can be no harm in revelling in the past.
CASILDA
None whatever, but an embrace cannot be
taken to act retrospectively.
LUIZ
Perhaps not!
CASILDA
We may recollect an embrace-I recollect
many-but we must not repeat them.
LUIZ
Then let us recollect a few!
(A moment's pause, as they recollect,
then both heave a deep sigh.)
LUIZ
Ah, Casilda, you were to me
as the sun is to the earth!
CASILDA
A quarter of an hour ago?
LUIZ
About that.
CASILDA
And to think that, but for this miserable discovery,
you would have been my own for life!
LUIZ
Through life to death-a quarter of an hour ago!
CASILDA
How greedily my thirsty ears would have drunk
the golden melody of those sweet words a quarter-well,
it's now about twenty minutes since.
(Looking at her watch.)
LUIZ
About that. In such a matter
one cannot be too precise.
CASILDA
And now our love, so full of life,
is but a silent, solemn memory!
LUIZ
Must it be so, Casilda?
CASILDA
Luiz, it must be so!
DUET-CASILDA and LUIZ
LUIZ
There was a time-
A time for ever gone-ah, woe is me!
It was no crime
To love but thee alone-ah, woe is me!
One heart, one life, one soul,
One aim, one goal-
Each in the other's thrall,
Each all in all, ah, woe is me!
BOTH.
Oh, bury, bury-let the grave close o'er
The days that were-that never will be more!
Oh, bury, bury love that all condemn,
And let the whirlwind mourn its requiem!
CASILDA
Dead as the last year's leaves-
As gathered flowers-ah, woe is me!
Dead as the garnered sheaves,
That love of ours-ah, woe is me!
Born but to fade and die
When hope was high,
Dead and as far away
As yesterday!-ah, woe is me!
BOTH.
Oh, bury, bury-let the grave close o'er, etc.
(Re-enter from the Ducal Palace the Duke and Duchess,
followed by Don Alhambra del Bolero, the Grand Inquisitor.)
DUKE
My child, allow me to present to you
His Distinction Don Alhambra del Bolero,
the Grand Inquisitor of Spain.
It was His Distinction who so thoughtfully abstracted
your infant husband and brought him to Venice.
DON ALHAMBRA
So this is the little lady who is so unexpectedly called upon
to assume the functions of Royalty!
And a very nice little lady, too!
DUKE
Jimp, isn't she?
DON ALHAMBRA
Distinctly jimp. Allow me!
(Offers his hand. She turns away scornfully.)
Naughty temper!
DUKE
You must make some allowance.
Her Majesty's head is a little turned by her access of dignity.
DON ALHAMBRA
I could have wished that Her Majesty's access
of dignity had turned it in this direction.
DUCHESS
Unfortunately, if I am not mistaken,
there appears to be some little doubt
as to His Majesty's whereabouts.
CASILDA
(aside).
A doubt as to his whereabouts?
Then we may yet be saved!
DON ALHAMBRA
A doubt? Oh dear, no-no doubt at all!
He is here, in Venice, plying the modest
but picturesque calling of a gondolier.
I can give you his address-I see him every day!
In the entire annals of our history there is absolutely
no circumstance so entirely free from all manner
of doubt of any kind whatever!
Listen, and I'll tell you all about it.
SONG-DON ALHAMBRA
(with DUKE, DUCHESS, CASILDA, and LUIZ).
I stole the Prince, and I brought him here,
And left him gaily prattling
With a highly respectable gondolier,
Who promised the Royal babe to rear,
And teach him the trade of a timoneer
With his own beloved bratling.
Both of the babes were strong and stout,
And, considering all things, clever.
Of that there is no manner of doubt-
No probable, possible shadow of doubt-
No possible doubt whatever.
ALL
No possible doubt whatever.
But owing, I'm much disposed to fear,
To his terrible taste for tippling,
That highly respectable gondolier
Could never declare with a mind sincere
Which of the two was his offspring dear,
And which the Royal stripling!
Which was which he could never make out
Despite his best endeavour.
Of that there is no manner of doubt-
No probable, possible shadow of doubt-
No possible doubt whatever.
ALL
No possible doubt whatever.
Time sped, and when at the end of a year
I sought that infant cherished,
That highly respectable gondolier
Was lying a corpse on his humble bier-
I dropped a Grand Inquisitor's tear-
That gondolier had perished.
A taste for drink, combined with gout,
Had doubled him up for ever.
Of that there is no manner of doubt-
No probable, possible shadow of doubt-
No possible doubt whatever.
ALL
No possible doubt whatever.
The children followed his old career-
(This statement can't be parried)
Of a highly respectable gondolier:
Well, one of the two (who will soon be here)-
But which of the two is not quite clear-
Is the Royal Prince you married!
Search in and out and round about,
And you'll discover never
A tale so free from every doubt-
All probable, possible shadow of doubt-
All possible doubt whatever!
ALL
A tale free from every doubt, etc.
CASILDA
Then do you mean to say that I am married
to one of two gondoliers, but it is impossible to say which?
DON ALHAMBRA
Without any doubt of any kind whatever.
But be reassured: the nurse to whom your husband
was entrusted is the mother of the musical young man
who is such a past-master of that delicately modulated instrument
(indicating the drum).
She can, no doubt, establish the King's identity beyond all question.
LUIZ
Heavens, how did he know that?
DON ALHAMBRA
My young friend, a Grand Inquisitor is always up to date.
(To Cas.)
His mother is at present the wife of a highly respectable
and old-established brigand, who carries on an extensive practice
in the mountains around Cordova.
Accompanied by two of my emissaries,
he will set off at once for his mother's address.
She will return with them, and if she finds any difficulty
in making up her mind, the persuasive influence
of the torture chamber will jog her memory.
RECITATIVE-CASILDA and DON ALHAMBRA.
CASILDA
But, bless my heart, consider my position!
I am the wife of one, that's very clear;
But who can tell, except by intuition,
Which is the Prince, and which the Gondolier?
DON ALHAMBRA
Submit to Fate without unseemly wrangle:
Such complications frequently occur-
Life is one closely complicated tangle:
Death is the only true unraveller!
QUINTET-DUKE, DUCHESS, CASILDA,
LUIZ, and GRAND INQUISITOR.
ALL
Try we life-long, we can never
Straighten out life's tangled skein,
Why should we, in vain endeavour,
Guess and guess and guess again?
LUIZ
Life's a pudding full of plums,
DUCHESS
Care's a canker that benumbs.
ALL
Life's a pudding full of plums,
Care's a canker that benumbs.
Wherefore waste our elocution
On impossible solution?
Life's a pleasant institution,
Let us take it as it comes!
Set aside the dull enigma,
We shall guess it all too soon;
Failure brings no kind of stigma-
Dance we to another tune!
LUIZ
String the lyre and fill the cup,
DUCHESS
Lest on sorrow we should sup.
ALL
Hop and skip to Fancy's fiddle,
Hands across and down the middle-
Life's perhaps the only riddle
That we shrink from giving up!
(Exeunt all into Ducal Palace except Luiz,
who goes off in gondola.)
(Enter Gondoliers and Contadine, followed by Marco,
Gianetta, Giuseppe, and Tessa.)
CHORUS.
Bridegroom and bride!
Knot that's insoluble,
Voices all voluble
Hail it with pride.
Bridegroom and bride!
We in sincerity
Wish you prosperity,
Bridegroom and bride!
SONG-TESSA.
TESSA
When a merry maiden marries,
Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;
Every sound becomes a song,
All is right, and nothing's wrong!
From to-day and ever after
Let our tears be tears of laughter.
Every sigh that finds a vent
Be a sigh of sweet content!
When you marry, merry maiden,
Then the air with love is laden;
Every flower is a rose,
Every goose becomes a swan,
Every kind of trouble goes
Where the last year's snows have gone!
CHORUS.
Sunlight takes the place of shade
When you marry, merry maid!
TESSA
When a merry maiden marries,
Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;
Every sound becomes a song,
All is right, and nothing's wrong.
Gnawing Care and aching Sorrow,
Get ye gone until to-morrow;
Jealousies in grim array,
Ye are things of yesterday!
When you marry, merry maiden,
Then the air with joy is laden;
All the corners of the earth
Ring with music sweetly played,
Worry is melodious mirth,
Grief is joy in masquerade;
CHORUS.
Sullen night is laughing day-
All the year is merry May!
(At the end of the song, Don Alhambra enters at back.
The Gondoliers and Contadine shrink from him,
and gradually go off, much alarmed.)
GIUSEPPE
And now our lives are going to begin in real earnest!
What's a bachelor? A mere nothing-he's a chrysalis.
He can't be said to live-he exists.
MARCO
What a delightful institution marriage is!
Why have we wasted all this time?
Why didn't we marry ten years ago?
TESSA
Because you couldn't find anybody nice enough.
GIANETTA
Because you were waiting for us.
MARCO
I suppose that was the reason.
We were waiting for you without knowing it.
(Don Alhambra comes forward.)
Hallo!
DON ALHAMBRA
Good morning.
GIUSEPPE
If this gentleman is an undertaker it's a bad omen.
DON ALHAMBRA
Ceremony of some sort going on?
GIUSEPPE
(aside).
He is an undertaker!
(Aloud.)
No-a little unimportant family gathering.
Nothing in your line.
DON ALHAMBRA
Somebody's birthday, I suppose?
GIANETTA
Yes, mine!
TESSA
And mine!
MARCO
And mine!
GIUSEPPE
And mine!
DON ALHAMBRA
Curious coincidence!
And how old may you all be?
TESSA
It's a rude question-but about ten minutes.
DON ALHAMBRA
Remarkably fine children!
But surely you are jesting?
TESSA
In other words, we were married about ten minutes since.
DON ALHAMBRA
Married! You don't mean to say you are married?
MARCO
Oh yes, we are married.
DON ALHAMBRA
What, both of you?
ALL
All four of us.
DON ALHAMBRA
(aside).
Bless my heart, how extremely awkward!
GIANETTA
You don't mind, I suppose?
TESSA
You were not thinking of either of us for yourself, I presume?
Oh, Giuseppe, look at him-he was. He's heart-broken!
DON ALHAMBRA
No, no, I wasn't! I wasn't!
GIUSEPPE
Now, my man
(slapping him on the back),
we don't want
anything in your line to-day,
and if your curiosity's satisfied-you can go!
DON ALHAMBRA
You mustn't call me your man.
It's a liberty. I don't think you know who I am.
GIUSEPPE
Not we, indeed! We are jolly gondoliers,
the sons of Baptisto Palmieri, who led the last revolution.
Republicans, heart and soul, we hold all men to be equal.
As we abhor oppression, we abhor kings:
as we detest vain-glory, we detest rank:
as we despise effeminacy, we despise wealth.
We are Venetian gondoliers-your equals in everything
except our calling, and in that
at once your masters and your servants.
DON ALHAMBRA
Bless my heart, how unfortunate!
One of you may be Baptisto's son, for anything
I know to the contrary; but the other is no less a personage
than the only son of the late King of Barataria.
ALL
What!
DON ALHAMBRA
And I trust-I trust it was that one who slapped me
on the shoulder and called me his man!
GIUSEPPE
One of us a king!
MARCO
Not brothers!
TESSA
The King of Barataria!
GIANETTA
Well, who'd have thought it!
MARCO
But which is it?
DON ALHAMBRA
What does it matter? As you are both Republicans,
and hold kings in detestation, of course you'll abdicate
at once. Good morning!
(Going.)
GIANETTA and TESSA
Oh, don't do that!
(Marco and Giuseppe stop him.)
GIUSEPPE
Well, as to that, of course there are kings and kings.
When I say that I detest kings, I mean I detest bad kings.
DON ALHAMBRA
I see. It's a delicate distinction.
GIUSEPPE
Quite so. Now I can conceive a kind of king-an
ideal king-the creature of my fancy, you know-who would be
absolutely unobjectionable. A king, for instance,
who would abolish taxes
and make everything cheap, except gondolas-
MARCO
And give a great many free entertainments to the gondoliers-
GIUSEPPE
And let off fireworks on the Grand Canal,
and engage all the gondolas for the occasion-
MARCO
And scramble money on the Rialto among the gondoliers.
GIUSEPPE
Such a king would be a blessing to his people,
and if I were a king, that is the sort of king I would be.
MARCO
And so would I!
DON ALHAMBRA
Come, I'm glad to find your objections are not insuperable.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Oh, they're not insuperable.
GIANETTA and TESSA
No, they're not insuperable.
GIUSEPPE
Besides, we are open to conviction.
GIANETTA
Yes; they are open to conviction.
TESSA
Oh! they've often been convicted.
GIUSEPPE
Our views may have been hastily formed on insufficient grounds.
They may be crude, ill-digested, erroneous.
I've a very poor opinion of the politician
who is not open to conviction.
TESSA
(to Gia.).
Oh, he's a fine fellow!
GIANETTA
Yes, that's the sort of politician for my money!
DON ALHAMBRA
Then we'll consider it settled. Now, as the country is
in a state of insurrection, it is absolutely necessary
that you should assume the reins of Government at once;
and, until it is ascertained which of you is to be king,
I have arranged that you will reign jointly,
so that no question can arise hereafter
as to the validity of any of your acts.
MARCO
As one individual?
DON ALHAMBRA
As one individual.
GIUSEPPE
(linking himself with Marco).
Like this?
DON ALHAMBRA
Something like that.
MARCO
And we may take our friends with us,
and give them places about the Court?
DON ALHAMBRA
Undoubtedly. That's always done!
MARCO
I'm convinced!
GIUSEPPE
So am I!
TESSA
Then the sooner we're off the better.
GIANETTA
We'll just run home and pack up a few things
(going)-
DON ALHAMBRA
Stop, stop-that won't do at all-ladies are not admitted.
ALL
What!
DON ALHAMBRA
Not admitted. Not at present.
Afterwards, perhaps. We'll see.
GIUSEPPE
Why, you don't mean to say you are going
to separate us from our wives!
DON ALHAMBRA
(aside).
This is very awkward!
(Aloud.)
Only for a time-a few months.
Alter all, what is a few months?
TESSA
But we've only been married half an hour!
(Weeps.)
SONG-GIANETTA.
Kind sir, you cannot have the heart
Our lives to part
From those to whom an hour ago
We were united!
Before our flowing hopes you stem,
Ah, look at them,
And pause before you deal this blow,
All uninvited!
You men can never understand
That heart and hand
Cannot be separated when
We go a-yearning;
You see, you've only women's eyes
To idolize
And only women's hearts, poor men,
To set you burning!
Ah me, you men will never understand
That woman's heart is one with woman's hand!
Some kind of charm you seem to find
In womankind-
Some source of unexplained delight
(Unless you're jesting),
But what attracts you, I confess,
I cannot guess,
To me a woman's face is quite
Uninteresting!
If from my sister I were torn,
It could be borne-
I should, no doubt, be horrified,
But I could bear it;-
But Marco's quite another thing-
He is my King,
He has my heart and none beside
Shall ever share it!
Ah me, you men will never understand
That woman's heart is one with woman's hand!
RECITATIVE-DON ALHAMBRA.
Do not give way to this uncalled-for grief,
Your separation will be very brief.
To ascertain which is the King
And which the other,
To Barataria's Court I'll bring
His foster-mother;
Her former nurseling to declare
She'll be delighted.
That settled, let each happy pair
Be reunited.
MARCO, GIUSEPPE,
Viva! His argument is strong!
GIANETTA, TESSA
Viva! We'll not be parted long!
Viva! It will be settled soon!
Viva! Then comes our honeymoon!
(Exit Don Alhambra.)
QUARTET-MARCO, GIUSEPPE., GIANETTA, TESSA.
GIANETTA
Then one of us will be a Queen,
And sit on a golden throne,
With a crown instead
Of a hat on her head,
And diamonds all her own!
With a beautiful robe of gold and green,
I've always understood;
I wonder whether
She'd wear a feather?
I rather think she should!
ALL
Oh, 'tis a glorious thing, I ween,
To be a regular Royal Queen!
No half-and-half affair, I mean,
But a right-down regular Royal Queen!
MARCO
She'll drive about in a carriage and pair,
With the King on her left-hand side,
And a milk-white horse,
As a matter of course,
Whenever she wants to ride!
With beautiful silver shoes to wear
Upon her dainty feet;
With endless stocks
Of beautiful frocks
And as much as she wants to eat!
ALL
Oh, 'tis a glorious thing, I ween, etc.
TESSA
Whenever she condescends to walk,
Be sure she'll shine at that,
With her haughty stare
And her nose in the air,
Like a well-born aristocrat!
At elegant high society talk
She'll bear away the bell,
With her "How de do?"
And her "How are you?"
And "I trust I see you well!"
ALL
Oh, 'tis a glorious thing, I ween, etc.
GIUSEPPE
And noble lords will scrape and bow,
And double themselves in two,
And open their eyes
In blank surprise
At whatever she likes to do.
And everybody will roundly vow
She's fair as flowers in May,
And say, "How clever!"
At whatsoever
She condescends to say!
ALL
Oh, 'tis a glorious thing, I ween,
To be a regular Royal Queen!
No half-and-half affair, I mean,
But a right-down regular Royal Queen!
(Enter Chorus of Gondoliers and Contadine.)
CHORUS.
Now, pray, what is the cause of this remarkable hilarity?
This sudden ebullition of unmitigated jollity?
Has anybody blessed you with a sample of his charity?
Or have you been adopted by a gentleman of quality?
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Replying, we sing
As one individual,
As I find I'm a king,
To my kingdom I bid you all.
I'm aware you object
To pavilions and palaces,
But you'll find I respect
Your Republican fallacies.
CHORUS.
As they know we object
To pavilions and palaces,
How can they respect
Our Republican fallacies?
MARCO and GIUSEPPE.
MARCO
For every one who feels inclined,
Some post we undertake to find
Congenial with his frame of mind-
And all shall equal be.
GIUSEPPE
The Chancellor in his peruke-
The Earl, the Marquis, and the Dook,
The Groom, the Butler, and the Cook-
They all shall equal be.
MARCO
The Aristocrat who banks with Coutts-
The Aristocrat who hunts and shoots-
The Aristocrat who cleans our boots-
They all shall equal be!
GIUSEPPE
The Noble Lord who rules the State-
The Noble Lord who cleans the plate-
MARCO
The Noble Lord who scrubs the grate-
They all shall equal be!
GIUSEPPE
The Lord High Bishop orthodox-
The Lord High Coachman on the box-
MARCO
The Lord High Vagabond in the stocks-
They all shall equal be!
BOTH.
For every one, etc.
Sing high, sing low,
Wherever they go,
They all shall equal be!
CHORUS.
Sing high, sing low,
Wherever they go,
They all shall equal be!
The Earl, the Marquis, and the Dook,
The Groom, the Butler, and the Cook,
The Aristocrat who banks with Coutts,
The Aristocrat who cleans the boots,
The Noble Lord who rules the State,
The Noble Lord who scrubs the grate,
The Lord High Bishop orthodox,
The Lord High Vagabond in the stocks-
For every one, etc.
Sing high, sing low,
Wherever they go,
They all shall equal be!
Then hail! O King,
Whichever you may be,
To you we sing,
But do not bend the knee.
Then hail! O King.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
(together).
Come, let's away-our island crown awaits me-
Conflicting feelings rend my soul apart!
The thought of Royal dignity elates me,
But leaving thee behind me breaks my heart!
(Addressing Gianetta and Tessa.)
GIANETTA and TESSA
(together).
Farewell, my love; on board you must be getting;
But while upon the sea you gaily roam,
Remember that a heart for thee is fretting-
The tender little heart you've left at home!
GIANETTA
Now, Marco dear,
My wishes hear:
While you're away
It's understood
You will be good
And not too gay.
To every trace
Of maiden grace
You will be blind,
And will not glance
By any chance
On womankind!
If you are wise,
You'll shut your eyes
Till we arrive,
And not address
A lady less
Than forty-five.
You'll please to frown
On every gown
That you may see;
And, O my pet,
You won't forget
You've married me!
And O my darling, O my pet,
Whatever else you may forget,
In yonder isle beyond the sea,
Do not forget you've married me!
TESSA
You'll lay your head
Upon your bed
At set of sun.
You will not sing
Of anything
To any one.
You'll sit and mope
All day, I hope,
And shed a tear
Upon the life
Your little wife
Is passing here.
And if so be
You think of me,
Please tell the moon!
I'll read it all
In rays that fall
On the lagoon:
You'll be so kind
As tell the wind
How you may be,
And send me words
By little birds
To comfort me!
And O my darling, O my pet,
Whatever else you may forget,
In yonder isle beyond the sea,
Do not forget you've married me!
QUARTET.
Oh my darling, O my pet, etc.
CHORUS
(during which a "Xebeque" is hauled alongside the quay.)
Then away we go to an island fair
That lies in a Southern sea:
We know not where, and we don't much care,
Wherever that isle may be.
THE MEN
(hauling on boat).
One, two, three,
Haul!
One, two, three,
Haul!
One, two, three,
Haul!
With a will!
ALL
When the breezes are a-blowing
The ship will be going,
When they don't we shall all stand still!
Then away we go to an island fair,
We know not where, and we don't much care,
Wherever that isle may be.
SOLO-MARCO.
Away we go
To a balmy isle,
Where the roses blow
All the winter while.
ALL
(hoisting sail).
Then away we go to an island fair
That lies in a Southern sea:
Then away we go to an island fair,
Then away, then away, then away!
(The men embark on the "Xebeque."
Marco and Giuseppe embracing Gianetta and Tessa.
The girls wave a farewell to the men as the curtain falls.)
ACT II
ACT I
ACT II
SCENE.-
Pavilion in the Court of Barataria. Marco and Giuseppe,
magnificently dressed, are seated on two thrones,
occupied in cleaning the crown and the sceptre.
The Gondoliers are discovered, dressed, some as courtiers,
officers of rank, etc., and others as private soldiers
and servants of various degrees.
All are enjoying themselves without reference
to social distinctions-some playing cards,
others throwing dice, some reading,
others playing cup and ball, "morra", etc.
CHORUS OF MEN with MARCO and GIUSEPPE.
Of happiness the very pith
In Barataria you may see:
A monarchy that's tempered with
Republican Equality.
This form of government we find
The beau ideal of its kind-
A despotism strict combined
With absolute equality!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE.
Two kings, of undue pride bereft,
Who act in perfect unity,
Whom you can order right and left
With absolute impunity.
Who put their subjects at their ease
By doing all they can to please!
And thus, to earn their bread-and-cheese,
Seize every opportunity.
CHORUS.
Of happiness the very pith, etc.
MARCO
Gentlemen, we are much obliged to you
for your expressions of satisfaction and good feeling-I say,
we are much obliged to you for your expressions
of satisfaction and good feeling.
ALL
We heard you.
MARCO
We are delighted, at any time, to fall in
with sentiments so charmingly expressed.
ALL
That's all right.
GIUSEPPE
At the same time there is just one little grievance
that we should like to ventilate.
ALL
(angrily).
What?
GIUSEPPE
Don't be alarmed-it's not serious.
It is arranged that, until it is decided
which of us two is the actual King,
we are to act as one person.
GIORGIO.
Exactly.
GIUSEPPE
Now, although we act as one person,
we are, in point of fact, two persons.
ANNIBALE.
Ah, I don't think we can go into that.
It is a legal fiction, and legal fictions are solemn things.
Situated as we are, we can't recognize
two independent responsibilities.
GIUSEPPE
No; but you can recognize two independent appetites.
It's all very well to say we act as one person,
but when you supply us with only one ration between us,
I should describe it as a legal fiction carried a little too far.
ANNIBALE
It's rather a nice point. I don't like to express an opinion off-hand.
Suppose we reserve it for argument before the full Court?
MARCO
Yes, but what are we to do in the meantime?
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
We want our tea.
ANNIBALE
I think we may make an interim order for double rations
on their Majesties entering into the usual undertaking
to indemnify in the event of an adverse decision?
GIORGIO
That, I think, will meet the case.
But you must work hard-stick to it-nothing like work.
GIUSEPPE
Oh, certainly. We quite understand that a man
who holds the magnificent position of King should do
something to justify it. We are called "Your Majesty";
we are allowed to buy ourselves magnificent clothes;
our subjects frequently nod to us in the streets;
the sentries always return our salutes;
and we enjoy the inestimable privilege of heading
the subscription lists to all the principal charities.
In return for these advantages the least we can do is
to make ourselves useful about the Palace.
SONG-GIUSEPPE with CHORUS.
Rising early in the morning,
We proceed to light the fire,
Then our Majesty adorning
In its workaday attire,
We embark without delay
On the duties of the day.
First, we polish off some batches
Of political despatches,
And foreign politicians circumvent;
Then, if business isn't heavy,
We may hold a Royal levee,
Or ratify some Acts of Parliament.
Then we probably review the household troops-
With the usual "Shalloo humps!" and "Shalloo hoops!"
Or receive with ceremonial and state
An interesting Eastern potentate.
After that we generally
Go and dress our private valet-
(It's a rather nervous duty-he's a touchy little man)-
Write some letters literary
For our private secretary-
He is shaky in his spelling, so we help him if we can.
Then, in view of cravings inner,
We go down and order dinner;
Then we polish the Regalia and the Coronation Plate-
Spend an hour in titivating
All our Gentlemen-in-Waiting;
Or we run on little errands for the Ministers of State.
Oh, philosophers may sing
Of the troubles of a King;
Yet the duties are delightful, and the privileges great;
But the privilege and pleasure
That we treasure beyond measure
Is to run on little errands for the Ministers of State.
CHORUS.
Oh, philosophers may sing, etc.
After luncheon (making merry
On a bun and glass of sherry),
If we've nothing in particular to do,
We may make a Proclamation,
Or receive a deputation-
Then we possibly create a Peer or two.
Then we help a fellow-creature on his path
With the Garter or the Thistle or the Bath,
Or we dress and toddle off in semi-state
To a festival, a function, or a fete.
Then we go and stand as sentry
At the Palace (private entry),
Marching hither, marching thither, up and down and to and fro,
While the warrior on duty
Goes in search of beer and beauty
(And it generally happens that he hasn't far to go).
He relieves us, if he's able,
Just in time to lay the table,
Then we dine and serve the coffee, and at half-past twelve or one,
With a pleasure that's emphatic,
We retire to our attic
With the gratifying feeling that our duty has been done!
Oh, philosophers may sing
Of the troubles of a King,
But of pleasures there are many and of worries there are none;
And the culminating pleasure
That we treasure beyond measure
Is the gratifying feeling that our duty has been done!
CHORUS.
Oh, philosophers may sing, etc.
(Exeunt all but Marco and Giuseppe.)
GIUSEPPE
Yes, it really is a very pleasant existence.
They're all so singularly kind and considerate.
You don't find them wanting to do this,
or wanting to do that, or saying "It's my turn now."
No, they let us have all the fun to ourselves,
and never seem to grudge it.
MARCO
It makes one feel quite selfish.
It almost seems like taking advantage of their good nature.
GIUSEPPE
How nice they were about the double rations.
MARCO
Most considerate. Ah! there's only one thing wanting
to make us thoroughly comfortable.
GIUSEPPE
And that is?
MARCO
The dear little wives we left behind us
three months ago.
GIUSEPPE
Yes, it is dull without female society.
We can do without everything else,
but we can't do without that.
MARCO
And if we have that in perfection, we have everything.
There is only one recipe for perfect happiness.
SONG-MARCO.
Take a pair of sparkling eyes,
Hidden, ever and anon,
In a merciful eclipse-
Do not heed their mild surprise-
Having passed the Rubicon,
Take a pair of rosy lips;
Take a figure trimly planned-
Such as admiration whets-
(Be particular in this);
Take a tender little hand,
Fringed with dainty fingerettes,
Press it-in parenthesis;-
Ah! Take all these, you lucky man-
Take and keep them, if you can!
Take a pretty little cot-
Quite a miniature affair-
Hung about with trellised vine,
Furnish it upon the spot
With the treasures rich and rare
I've endeavoured to define.
Live to love and love to live-
You will ripen at your ease,
Growing on the sunny side-
Fate has nothing more to give.
You're a dainty man to please
If you are not satisfied.
Ah! Take my counsel, happy man;
Act upon it, if you can!
(Enter Chorus of Contadine, running in,
led by Fiametta and Vittoria. They are met by all
the Ex-Gondoliers, who welcome them heartily.)
SCENE-CHORUS OF GIRLS, QUARTET, DUET and CHORUS.
Here we are, at the risk of our lives,
From ever so far, and we've brought your wives-
And to that end we've crossed the main,
And don't intend to return again!
FIAMETTA
Though obedience is strong,
Curiosity's stronger-
We waited for long,
Till we couldn't wait longer.
VITTORIA
It's imprudent, we know,
But without your society
Existence was slow,
And we wanted variety-
BOTH.
Existence was slow, and we wanted variety.
ALL
So here we are, at the risk of our lives,
From ever so far, and we've brought your wives-
And to that end we've crossed the main,
And don't intend to return again!
(Enter Gianetta and Tessa.
They rush to the arms of Marco and Giuseppe.)
GIUSEPPE
Tessa!
TESSA
Giuseppe!
All embrace.
GIANETTA
Marco!
MARCO
Gianetta!
TESSA and GIANETTA.
TESSA
After sailing to this island-
GIANETTA
Tossing in a manner frightful,
TESSA
We are all once more on dry land-
GIANETTA
And we find the change delightful,
TESSA
As at home we've been remaining-
We've not seen you both for ages,
GIANETTA
Tell me, are you fond of reigning?-
How's the food, and what's the wages?
TESSA
Does your new employment please ye?-
GIANETTA
How does Royalizing strike you?
TESSA
Is it difficult or easy?-
GIANETTA
Do you think your subjects like you?
TESSA
I am anxious to elicit,
Is it plain and easy steering?
GIANETTA
Take it altogether, is it
Better fun than gondoliering?
BOTH.
We shall both go on requesting
Till you tell us, never doubt it;
Everything is interesting,
Tell us, tell us all about it!
CHORUS.
They will both go on requesting, etc.
TESSA
Is the populace exacting?
GIANETTA
Do they keep you at a distance?
TESSA
All unaided are you acting,
GIANETTA
Or do they provide assistance?
TESSA
When you're busy, have you got to
Get up early in the morning?
GIANETTA
If you do what you ought not to,
Do they give the usual warning?
TESSA
With a horse do they equip you?
GIANETTA
Lots of trumpeting and drumming?
TESSA
Do the Royal tradesmen tip you?
GIANETTA
Ain't the livery becoming!
TESSA
Does your human being inner
Feed on everything that nice is?
GIANETTA
Do they give you wine for dinner;
Peaches, sugar-plums, and ices?
BOTH.
We shall both go on requesting
Till you tell us, never doubt it;
Everything is interesting,
Tell us, tell us all about it!
CHORUS.
They will both go on requesting, etc.
MARCO
This is indeed a most delightful surprise!
TESSA
Yes, we thought you'd like it. You see, it was like this.
After you left we felt very dull and mopey, and the days crawled by,
and you never wrote; so at last I said to Gianetta,
"I can't stand this any longer; those two poor Monarchs haven't got
any one to mend their stockings or sew on their buttons
or patch their clothes-at least, I hope they haven't-let us
all pack up a change and go and see how they're getting on.
"And she said, "Done," and they all said, "Done";
and we asked old Giacopo to lend us his boat, and he said,
"Done"; and we've crossed the sea, and, thank goodness,
that's done; and here we are, and-and-I've done!
GIANETTA
And now-which of you is King?
TESSA
And which of us is Queen?
GIUSEPPE
That we shan't know until Nurse turns up.
But never mind that-the question is,
how shall we celebrate the commencement of our honeymoon?
Gentlemen, will you allow us to offer you a magnificent banquet?
ALL
We will!
GIUSEPPE
Thanks very much; and, ladies,
what do you say to a dance?
TESSA
A banquet and a dance!
O, it's too much happiness!
CHORUS and DANCE.
Dance a cachucha, fandango, bolero,
Xeres we'll drink-Manzanilla, Montero-
Wine, when it runs in abundance, enhances
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances!
To the pretty pitter-pitter-patter,
And the clitter-clitter-clitter-clatter-
Clitter-clitter-clatter,
Pitter-pitter-patter,
Patter, patter, patter, patter, we'll dance.
Old Xeres we'll drink-Manzanilla, Montero;
For wine, when it runs in abundance, enhances
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances!
(Cachucha.)
(The dance is interrupted by
the unexpected appearance of Don Alhambra,
who looks on with astonishment.
Marco and Giuseppe appear embarrassed.
The others run off, except Drummer Boy,
who is driven off by Don Alhambra.)
DON ALHAMBRA
Good evening. Fancy ball?
GIUSEPPE
No, not exactly. A little friendly dance.
That's all. Sorry you're late.
DON ALHAMBRA
But I saw a groom dancing, and a footman!
MARCO
Yes. That's the Lord High Footman.
DON ALHAMBRA
And, dear me, a common little drummer boy!
GIUSEPPE
Oh no! That's the Lord High Drummer Boy.
DON ALHAMBRA
But surely, surely the servants'-hall is
the place for these gentry?
GIUSEPPE
Oh dear no! We have appropriated the servants'-hall.
It's the Royal Apartment, and accessible only by tickets
obtainable at the Lord Chamberlain's office.
MARCO
We really must have some place that we can call our own.
DON ALHAMBRA
(puzzled).
I'm afraid I'm not quite equal
to the intellectual pressure of the conversation.
GIUSEPPE
You see, the Monarchy has been re-modelled
on Republican principles.
DON ALHAMBRA
What!
GIUSEPPE
All departments rank equally,
and everybody is at the head of his department.
DON ALHAMBRA
I see.
MARCO
I'm afraid you're annoyed.
DON ALHAMBRA
No. I won't say that.
It's not quite what I expected.
GIUSEPPE
I'm awfully sorry.
MARCO
So am I.
GIUSEPPE
By the by, can I offer you anything after your voyage?
A plate of macaroni and a rusk?
DON ALHAMBRA
(preoccupied).
No, no-nothing-nothing.
GIUSEPPE
Obliged to be careful?
DON ALHAMBRA
Yes-gout.
You see, in every Court there are distinctions
that must be observed.
GIUSEPPE
(puzzled).
There are, are there?
DON ALHAMBRA
Why, of course. For instance, you wouldn't have
a Lord High Chancellor play leapfrog with his own cook.
MARCO
Why not?
DON ALHAMBRA
Why not! Because a Lord High Chancellor
is a personage of great dignity,
who should never, under any circumstances,
place himself in the position of being told
to tuck in his tuppenny, except by noblemen of his own rank.
A Lord High Archbishop, for instance, might tell
a Lord High Chancellor to tuck in his tuppenny,
but certainly not a cook, gentlemen, certainly not a cook.
GIUSEPPE
Not even a Lord High Cook?
DON ALHAMBRA
My good friend, that is a rank that is not recognized
at the Lord Chamberlain's office. No, no, it won't do.
I'll give you an instance in which the experiment was tried.
SONG-DON ALHAMBRA, with MARCO and GIUSEPPE.
DON ALHAMBRA
There lived a King, as I've been told,
In the wonder-working days of old,
When hearts were twice as good as gold,
And twenty times as mellow.
Good-temper triumphed in his face,
And in his heart he found a place
For all the erring human race
And every wretched fellow.
When he had Rhenish wine to drink
It made him very sad to think
That some, at junket or at jink,
Must be content with toddy.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
With toddy, must be content with toddy.
DON ALHAMBRA
He wished all men as rich as he
(And he was rich as rich could be),
So to the top of every tree
Promoted everybody.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Now, that's the kind of King for me.
He wished all men as rich as he,
So to the top of every tree
Promoted everybody!
DON ALHAMBRA
Lord Chancellors were cheap as sprats,
And Bishops in their shovel hats
Were plentiful as tabby cats-
In point of fact, too many.
Ambassadors cropped up like hay,
Prime Ministers and such as they
Grew like asparagus in May,
And Dukes were three a penny.
On every side Field-Marshals gleamed,
Small beer were Lords-Lieutenant deemed,
With Admirals the ocean teemed
All round his wide dominions.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
With Admirals all round his wide dominions.
DON ALHAMBRA
And Party Leaders you might meet
In twos and threes in every street
Maintaining, with no little heat,
Their various opinions.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Now that's a sight you couldn't beat-
Two Party Leaders in each street
Maintaining, with no little heat,
Their various opinions.
DON ALHAMBRA
That King, although no one denies
His heart was of abnormal size,
Yet he'd have acted otherwise
If he had been acuter.
The end is easily foretold,
When every blessed thing you hold
Is made of silver, or of gold,
You long for simple pewter.
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare,
For cloth of gold you cease to care-
Up goes the price of shoddy.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Of shoddy, up goes the price of shoddy.
DON ALHAMBRA
In short, whoever you may be,
To this conclusion you'll agree,
When every one is somebodee,
Then no one's anybody!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Now that's as plain as plain can be,
To this conclusion we agree-
ALL
When every one is somebodee,
Then no one's anybody!
(Gianetta and Tessa enter unobserved.
The two girls, impelled by curiosity,
remain listening at the back of the stage.)
DON ALHAMBRA
And now I have some important news to communicate.
His Grace the Duke of Plaza-Toro, Her Grace the Duchess,
and their beautiful daughter Casilda-I say
their beautiful daughter Casilda-
GIUSEPPE
We heard you.
DON ALHAMBRA
Have arrived at Barataria, and may be here at any moment.
MARCO
The Duke and Duchess are nothing to us.
DON ALHAMBRA
But the daughter-the beautiful daughter! Aha!
Oh, you're a lucky dog, one of you!
GIUSEPPE
I think you're a very incomprehensible old gentleman.
DON ALHAMBRA
Not a bit-I'll explain. Many years ago when you
(whichever you are) were a baby, you (whichever you are)
were married to a little girl who has grown up to be
the most beautiful young lady in Spain.
That beautiful young lady will be here to claim you
(whichever you are) in half an hour,
and I congratulate that one (whichever it is)
with all my heart.
MARCO
Married when a baby!
GIUSEPPE
But we were married three months ago!
DON ALHAMBRA
One of you-only one. The other
(whichever it is) is an unintentional bigamist.
GIANETTA and TESSA
(coming forward).
Well, upon my word!
DON ALHAMBRA
Eh? Who are these young people?
TESSA
Who are we? Why, their wives, of course.
We've just arrived.
DON ALHAMBRA
Their wives! Oh dear, this is very unfortunate!
Oh dear, this complicates matters!
Dear, dear, what will Her Majesty say?
GIANETTA
And do you mean to say that one
of these Monarchs was already married?
TESSA
And that neither of us will be a Queen?
DON ALHAMBRA
That is the idea I intended to convey.
(Tessa and Gianetta begin to cry.)
GIUSEPPE
(to Tessa).
Tessa, my dear, dear child-
TESSA
Get away! perhaps it's you!
MARCO
(to Gia.).
My poor, poor little woman!
GIANETTA
Don't! Who knows whose husband you are?
TESSA
And pray, why didn't you tell us
all about it before they left Venice?
DON ALHAMBRA
Because, if I had, no earthly temptation would have induced
these gentlemen to leave two such extremely fascinating
and utterly irresistible little ladies!
TESSA
There's something in that.
DON ALHAMBRA
I may mention that you will not be kept long in suspense,
as the old lady who nursed the Royal child is at present
in the torture chamber, waiting for me to interview her.
GIUSEPPE
Poor old girl. Hadn't you better go
and put her out of her suspense?
DON ALHAMBRA
Oh no-there's no hurry-she's all right.
She has all the illustrated papers.
However, I'll go and interrogate her, and,
in the meantime, may I suggest the absolute propriety
of your regarding yourselves as single young ladies.
Good evening!
(Exit Don Alhambra.)
GIANETTA
Well, here's a pleasant state of things!
MARCO
Delightful. One of us is married to two young ladies,
and nobody knows which; and the other is married
to one young lady whom nobody can identify!
GIANETTA
And one of us is married to one of you,
and the other is married to nobody.
TESSA
But which of you is married to which of us,
and what's to become of the other? (About to cry.)
GIUSEPPE
It's quite simple. Observe.
Two husbands have managed to acquire three wives.
Three wives-two husbands.
(Reckoning up.)
That's two-thirds of a husband to each wife.
TESSA
O Mount Vesuvius, here we are in arithmetic!
My good sir, one can't marry a vulgar fraction!
GIUSEPPE
You've no right to call me a vulgar fraction.
MARCO
We are getting rather mixed.
The situation is entangled.
Let's try and comb it out.
QUARTET-MARCO, GIUSEPPE, GIANETTA, TESSA.
In a contemplative fashion,
And a tranquil frame of mind,
Free from every kind of passion,
Some solution let us find.
Let us grasp the situation,
Solve the complicated plot-
Quiet, calm deliberation
Disentangles every knot.
TESSA
I, no doubt, Giuseppe wedded-
That's, of course, a slice of luck
He is rather dunder-headed.
Still distinctly, he's a duck.
GIANETTA
I, a victim, too, of Cupid,
Marco married - that is clear.
He's particularly stupid,
Still distinctly, he's a dear.
MARCO
To Gianetta I was mated;
I can prove it in a trice:
Though her charms are overrated,
Still I own she's rather nice.
GIUSEPPE
I to Tessa, willy-nilly,
All at once a victim fell.
She is what is called a silly,
Still she answers pretty well.
MARCO
Now when we were pretty babies
Some one married us, that's clear-
GIANETTA
And if I can catch her
I'll pinch her and scratch her
And send her away with a flea in her ear.
GIUSEPPE
He whom that young lady married,
To receive her can't refuse.
TESSA
If I overtake her
I'll warrant I'll make her
To shake in her aristocratical shoes!
GIANETTA
(to Tess.).
If she married your Giuseppe
You and he will have to part-
TESSA
(to Gia.).
If I have to do it
I'll warrant she'll rue it-
I'll teach her to marry the man of my heart!
TESSA
(to Gia.).
If she married Messer Marco
You're a spinster, that is plain-
GIANETTA
(to Tess.).
No matter-no matter.
If I can get at her
I doubt if her mother will know her again!
ALL
Quiet, calm deliberation
Disentangles every knot!
(Exeunt, pondering.)
(March. Enter procession of Retainers,
heralding approach of Duke, Duchess, and Casilda.
All three are now dressed with the utmost magnificence.)
CHORUS OF MEN, with DUKE and DUCHESS.
With ducal pomp and ducal pride
(Announce these comers,
O ye kettle-drummers!)
Comes Barataria's high-born bride.
(Ye sounding cymbals clang!)
She comes to claim the Royal hand-
(Proclaim their Graces,
O ye double basses!)
Of the King who rules this goodly land.
(Ye brazen brasses bang!)
DUKE and DUCHESS
Who resign their pet
With profound regret.
She of beauty was a model
When a tiny tiddle-toddle,
And at twenty-one
She's excelled by none!
CHORUS.
With ducal pomp and ducal pride, etc.
DUKE
(to his attendants).
Be good enough to inform His Majesty
that His Grace the Duke of Plaza-Toro,
Limited, has arrived, and begs-
CASILDA
Desires-
DUCHESS
Demands-
DUKE
And demands an audience.
(Exeunt attendants.)
And now, my child, prepare to receive the husband
to whom you were united under such interesting
and romantic circumstances.
CASILDA
But which is it?
There are two of them!
DUKE
It is true that at present His Majesty is a double gentleman;
but as soon as the circumstances of his marriage are ascertained,
he will, ipso facto, boil down to a single gentleman-thus presenting
a unique example of an individual who becomes a single man
and a married man by the same operation.
DUCHESS
(severely).
I have known instances in which the characteristics
of both conditions existed concurrently in the same individual.
DUKE
Ah, he couldn't have been a Plaza-Toro.
DUCHESS
Oh! couldn't he, though!
CASILDA
Well, whatever happens, I shall, of course,
be a dutiful wife, but I can never love my husband.
DUKE
I don't know. It's extraordinary
what unprepossessing people
one can love if one gives one's mind to it.
DUCHESS
I loved your father.
DUKE
My love-that remark is a little hard, I think?
Rather cruel, perhaps? Somewhat uncalled-for,
I venture to believe?
DUCHESS
It was very difficult, my dear; but I said to myself,
"That man is a Duke, and I will love him."
Several of my relations bet me
I couldn't, but I did-desperately!
SONG-DUCHESS.
On the day when I was wedded
To your admirable sire,
I acknowledge that I dreaded
An explosion of his ire.
I was overcome with panic-
For his temper was volcanic,
And I didn't dare revolt,
For I feared a thunderbolt!
I was always very wary,
For his fury was ecstatic-
His refined vocabulary
Most unpleasantly emphatic.
To the thunder
Of this Tartar
I knocked under
Like a martyr;
When intently
He was fuming,
I was gently
Unassuming-
When reviling
Me completely,
I was smiling
Very sweetly:
Giving him the very best, and getting back the very worst-
That is how I tried to tame your great progenitor-at first!
But I found that a reliance
On my threatening appearance,
And a resolute defiance
Of marital interference,
And a gentle intimation
Of my firm determination
To see what I could do
To be wife and husband too
Was the only thing required
For to make his temper supple,
And you couldn't have desired
A more reciprocating couple.
Ever willing
To be wooing,
We were billing-
We were cooing;
When I merely
From him parted,
We were nearly
Broken-hearted-
When in sequel
Reunited,
We were equal-
Ly delighted.
So with double-shotted guns and colours nailed unto the mast,
I tamed your insignificant progenitor-at last!
CASILDA
My only hope is that when my husband sees
what a shady family he has married into he will repudiate
the contract altogether.
DUKE
Shady? A nobleman shady, who is blazing
in the lustre of unaccustomed pocket-money?
A nobleman shady, who can look back upon ninety-five quarterings?
It is not every nobleman who is ninety-five quarters in arrear-I mean,
who can look back upon ninety-five of them!
And this, just as I have been floated at a premium! Oh fie!
DUCHESS
Your Majesty is surely unaware that directly your Majesty's father
came before the public he was applied for over and over again.
DUKE
My dear, Her Majesty's father was in the habit of being applied
for over and over again-and very urgently applied for,
too-long before he was registered under the Limited Liability Act.
RECITATIVE-DUKE
To help unhappy commoners, and add to their enjoyment,
Affords a man of noble rank congenial employment;
Of our attempts we offer you examples illustrative:
The work is light, and, I may add, it's most remunerative.
DUET-DUKE and DUCHESS.
DUKE
Small titles and orders
For Mayors and Recorders
I get-and they're highly delighted-
DUCHESS
They're highly delighted!
DUKE
M.P.'s baronetted,
Sham Colonels gazetted,
And second-rate Aldermen knighted-
DUCHESS
Yes, Aldermen knighted.
DUKE
Foundation-stone laying
I find very paying:
It adds a large sum to my makings-
DUCHESS
Large sums to his makings.
DUKE
At charity dinners
The best of speech-spinners,
I get ten per cent on the takings-
DUCHESS
One-tenth of the takings.
DUCHESS
I present any lady
Whose conduct is shady
Or smacking of doubtful propriety-
DUKE
Doubtful propriety.
DUCHESS
When Virtue would quash her,
I take and whitewash her,
And launch her in first-rate society-
DUKE
First-rate society!
DUCHESS
I recommend acres
Of clumsy dressmakers-
Their fit and their finishing touches-
DUKE
Their finishing touches.
DUCHESS
A sum in addition
They pay for permission
To say that they make for the Duchess-
DUKE
They make for the Duchess!
DUKE
Those pressing prevailers,
The ready-made tailors,
Quote me as their great double-barrel-
DUCHESS
Their great double-barrel-
DUKE
I allow them to do so,
Though Robinson Crusoe
Would jib at their wearing apparel-
DUCHESS
Such wearing apparel!
DUKE
I sit, by selection,
Upon the direction
Of several Companies bubble-
DUCHESS
All Companies bubble!
DUKE
As soon as they're floated
I'm freely bank-noted-
I'm pretty well paid for my trouble-
DUCHESS
He's paid for his trouble!
DUCHESS
At middle-class party
I play at ecarte-
And I'm by no means a beginner-
DUKE
(significantly).
She's not a beginner.
DUCHESS
To one of my station
The remuneration-
Five guineas a night and my dinner-
DUKE
And wine with her dinner.
DUCHESS
I write letters blatant
On medicines patent-
And use any other you mustn't-
DUKE
Believe me, you mustn't-
DUCHESS
And vow my complexion
Derives its perfection
From somebody's soap-which it doesn't-
DUKE
(significantly).
It certainly doesn't!
DUKE
We're ready as witness
To any one's fitness
To fill any place or preferment-
DUCHESS
A place or preferment.
DUCHESS
We're often in waiting
At junket or feting,
And sometimes attend an interment-
DUKE
We enjoy an interment.
BOTH.
In short, if you'd kindle
The spark of a swindle,
Lure simpletons into your clutches-
Yes; into your clutches.
Or hoodwink a debtor,
You cannot do better
DUCHESS
Than trot out a Duke or a Duchess-
DUKE
A Duke or a Duchess!
(Enter Marco and Giuseppe.)
DUKE
Ah! Their Majesties. Your Majesty!
(Bows with great ceremony.)
MARCO
The Duke of Plaza-Toro, I believe?
DUKE
The same.
(Marco and Giuseppe offer to shake hands with him.
The Duke bows ceremoniously.
They endeavour to imitate him.)
Allow me to present-
GIUSEPPE
The young lady one of us married?
(Marco and Giuseppe offer to shake hands with her.
Casilda curtsies formally.
They endeavour to imitate her.)
CASILDA
Gentlemen, I am the most obedient servant of one of you.
(Aside.)
Oh, Luiz!
DUKE
I am now about to address myself to the gentleman
whom my daughter married; the other may allow his attention
to wander if he likes, for what I am about to say does not concern him.
Sir, you will find in this young lady a combination of excellences
which you would search for in vain in any young lady
who had not the good fortune to be my daughter.
There is some little doubt as to which of you is the gentleman
I am addressing, and which is the gentleman
who is allowing his attention to wander;
but when that doubt is solved, I shall say
(still addressing the attentive gentleman),
"Take her, and may she make you happier
than her mother has made me."
DUCHESS
Sir!
DUKE
If possible. And now there is a little matter to which
I think I am entitled to take exception.
I come here in state with Her Grace the Duchess
and Her Majesty my daughter, and what do I find?
Do I find, for instance, a guard of honour to receive me? No!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
No.
DUKE
The town illuminated? No!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
No.
DUKE
Refreshment provided? No!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
No.
DUKE
A Royal salute fired? No!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
No.
DUKE
Triumphal arches erected? No!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
No.
DUKE
The bells set ringing?
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
No.
DUKE
Yes-one-the Visitors', and I rang it myself.
It is not enough! It is not enough!
GIUSEPPE
Upon my honour, I'm very sorry; but you see,
I was brought up in a gondola, and my ideas of politeness are confined
to taking off my cap to my passengers when they tip me.
DUCHESS
That's all very well in its way, but it is not enough.
GIUSEPPE
I'll take off anything else in reason.
DUKE
But a Royal Salute to my daughter-it costs so little.
CASILDA
Papa, I don't want a salute.
GIUSEPPE
My dear sir, as soon as we know
which of us is entitled to take that liberty
she shall have as many salutes as she likes.
MARCO
As for guards of honour and triumphal arches,
you don't know our people-they wouldn't stand it.
GIUSEPPE
They are very off-hand with us-very off-hand indeed.
DUKE
Oh, but you mustn't allow that-you must keep them
in proper discipline, you must impress your Court
with your importance. You want deportment-carriage-
GIUSEPPE
We've got a carriage.
DUKE
Manner-dignity. There must be a good deal of this sort
of thing-(business)-and a little of this sort
of thing-(business)-and possibly just a Soupcon of this sort
of thing!-(business)-and so on.
Oh, it's very useful, and most effective.
Just attend to me. You are a King-I am a subject. Very good-
(Gavotte.)
DUKE, DUCHESS, CASILDA, MARCO, GIUSEPPE.
DUKE
I am a courtier grave and serious
Who is about to kiss your hand:
Try to combine a pose imperious
With a demeanour nobly bland.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Let us combine a pose imperious
With a demeanour nobly bland
(Marco and Giuseppe endeavour to carry out his instructions.)
DUKE
That's, if anything, too unbending-
Too aggressively stiff and grand;
(They suddenly modify their attitudes.)
Now to the other extreme you're tending-
Don't be so deucedly condescending!
DUCHESS and CASILDA
Now to the other extreme you're tending-
Don't be so dreadfully condescending!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Oh, hard to please some noblemen seem!
At first, if anything, too unbending;
Off we go to the other extreme-
Too confoundedly condescending!
DUKE
Now a gavotte perform sedately-
Offer your hand with conscious pride;
Take an attitude not too stately,
Still sufficiently dignified.
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Now for an attitude not too stately,
Still sufficiently dignified.
(They endeavour to carry out his instructions.)
DUKE
(beating time).
Oncely, twicely-oncely, twicely-
Bow impressively ere you glide.
(They do so.)
Capital both, capital both-you've caught it nicely!
That is the style of thing precisely!
DUCHESS and CASILDA
Capital both, capital both-they've caught it nicely!
That is the style of thing precisely!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
Oh, sweet to earn a nobleman's praise!
Capital both, capital both-we've caught it nicely!
Supposing he's right in what he says,
This is the style of thing precisely!
(Gavotte. At the end exeunt Duke and Duchess,
leaving Casilda with Marco and Giuseppe.)
GIUSEPPE
(to Marco).
The old birds have gone away and left
the young chickens together. That's called tact.
MARCO
It's very awkward. We really ought to tell her
how we are situated. It's not fair to the girl.
GIUSEPPE
Then why don't you do it?
MARCO
I'd rather not-you.
GIUSEPPE
I don't know how to begin.
(To Casilda.)
Er-Madam-I-we, that is, several of us-
CASILDA
Gentlemen, I am bound to listen to you;
but it is right to tell you that, not knowing
I was married in infancy, I am over head
and ears in love with somebody else.
GIUSEPPE
Our case exactly!
We are over head and ears in love with somebody else!
(Enter Gianetta and Tessa.)
In point of fact, with our wives!
CASILDA
Your wives!
Then you are married?
TESSA
It's not our fault.
GIANETTA
We knew nothing about it.
BOTH.
We are sisters in misfortune.
CASILDA
My good girls, I don't blame you.
Only before we go any further we must really arrive
at some satisfactory arrangement,
or we shall get hopelessly complicated.
QUINTET AND FINALE.
MARCO, GIUSEPPE, CASILDA, GIANETTA, TESSA.
ALL
Here is a case unprecedented!
Here are a King and Queen ill-starred!
Ever since marriage was first invented
Never was known a case so hard!
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
I may be said to have been bisected,
By a profound catastrophe!
CASILDA, GIANETTA
Through a calamity unexpected
TESSA
I am divisible into three!
ALL
O moralists all,
How can you call
Marriage a state of unitee,
When excellent husbands are bisected,
And wives divisible into three?
O moralists all,
How can you call
Marriage a state of union true?
CASILDA, GIANETTA, TESSA
One-third of myself is married to half of ye or you,
MARCO and GIUSEPPE
When half of myself has married
one-third of ye or you?
(Enter Don Alhambra, followed by Duke,
Duchess, and all the Chorus.)
FINALE.
RECITATIVE-DON ALHAMBRA.
Now let the loyal lieges gather round-
The Prince's foster-mother has been found!
She will declare, to silver clarion's sound,
The rightful King-let him forthwith be crowned!
CHORUS.
She will declare, etc.
(Don Alhambra brings forward Inez,
the Prince's foster-mother.)
TESSA
Speak, woman, speak-
DUKE
We're all attention!
GIANETTA
The news we seek-
DUCHESS
This moment mention.
CASILDA
To us they bring-
DON ALHAMBRA
His foster-mother.
MARCO
Is he the King?
GIUSEPPE
Or this my brother?
ALL
Speak, woman, speak, etc.
RECITATIVE-INEZ.
The Royal Prince was by the King entrusted
To my fond care, ere I grew old and crusted;
When traitors came to steal his son reputed,
My own small boy I deftly substituted!
The villains fell into the trap completely-
I hid the Prince away-still sleeping sweetly:
I called him "son" with pardonable slyness-
His name, Luiz! Behold his Royal Highness!
(Sensation. Luiz ascends the throne,
crowned and robed as King.)
CASILDA
(rushing to his arms).
Luiz!
LUIZ
Casilda!
(Embrace.)
ALL
Is this indeed the King?
Oh, wondrous revelation!
Oh, unexpected thing!
Unlooked-for situation!
MARCO, GIANETTA, GIUSEPPE, TESSA
This statement we receive
With sentiments conflicting;
Our hearts rejoice and grieve,
Each other contradicting;
To those whom we adore
We can be reunited-
On one point rather sore,
But, on the whole, delighted!
LUIZ
When others claimed thy dainty hand,
I waited-waited-waited,
DUKE
As prudence (so I understand)
Dictated-tated-tated.
CASILDA
By virtue of our early vow
Recorded-corded-corded,
DUCHESS
Your pure and patient love is now
Rewarded-warded-warded.
ALL
Then hail, O King of a Golden Land,
And the high-born bride who claims his hand!
The past is dead, and you gain your own,
A royal crown and a golden throne!
(All kneel: Luiz crowns Casilda.)
ALL
Once more gondolieri,
Both skilful and wary,
Free from this quandary
Contented are we. Ah!
From Royalty flying,
Our gondolas plying,
And merrily crying
Our "preme," "stali!" Ah!
So good-bye, cachucha, fandango, bolero-
We'll dance a farewell to that measure-
Old Xeres, adieu-Manzanilla-Montero-
We leave you with feelings of pleasure!
T H E E N D
ACT I
ACT II
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